


Total Drama: The Miraculous Race

by mtnetsurfer



Category: Miraculous Ladybug, Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race
Genre: Badass Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Gen, Lila Rossi Redemption, Lila Rossi's Lies Are Exposed, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:40:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28541178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtnetsurfer/pseuds/mtnetsurfer
Summary: An alternate take on The Ridonculous Race with three new teams, one from Total Drama, and two from a rather... Miraculous TV show.
Relationships: Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe, Bridgette/Geoff (Total Drama), Carrie/Devin (Total Drama), Crimson/Ennui (Total Drama), Emma/Noah (Total Drama), Mike/Zoey (Total Drama)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	1. None Down, Twenty-One to Go Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my first story for AO3. I mostly write for Fanfiction.net under the name mtnetwarrior.
> 
> I used the transcript for this episode to write out the chapter and of course altered it to fit in the new teams and their interactions with the canon ones.
> 
> Changes to this universe will be explained over the course of the story.

Don: This is Toronto, the capital of North America, birthplace of funk where the Albino panther roams free. Beneath my size-13 brogues, 21 teams are arriving at this historic train station ready to embark on a race around the world. I'm your host, Don. And this is The Ridonculous Race!

****(Theme song plays)** **

Don: Welcome to the Ridonculous Race. Right now, 21 teams, 19 from across the country and 2 visiting from France, are readying themselves to embark on a race to the death! (his earpiece screeches and he cringes before putting his fingers on his ear. A muffled voice is heard over the piece) Not to the death? Okay... Then let's meet the teams who AREN'T (winks) racing to the death.

Cut inside a bus, where Marinette and Lila are going over a design notebook together.

Don: Lila and Marinette, teenage designers from the prestigious College Francois Dupont.

****(Team Interview: Lila and Marinette)** **

Marinette: To be honest, me and Lila started off rather lukewarm.

Lila: I _may_ have told a tall tale or two... (Marinette angrily clears her throat and Lila sighs) Or twelve... In order to get the whole school fawning over me. But after being brainwashed into being a supervillain and saved by Paris's resident superhero Ladybug... Let's just say I learned that every action has a consequence.

Marinette: We did manage to find a common ground when I learned that she has great skill in designing jewelry, which fits well with my own talent as a clothing designer.

Lila: We're hoping to use the money as a seed for starting our own brand line. And maybe she (points her thumb at Marinette) can finally ask Adrien Agreste out.

Marinette (eyes widened in shock): INTERVIEW OVER!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Elsewhere on the bus, Carrie and Devin are sitting, Devin reading a book and Carrie looking at Devin lovingly.

Don: Carrie and Devin, best friends.

****(Team Interview: Carrie and Devin)** **

Carrie: I met Devin in the sandbox and we haven't spent a day apart since. We're so close, that winning this race should be a piece of cake!

Devin: Yeah, I know Carrie so well it's like we're... (notices the weird look Carrie is giving him, he looks at her quizzically)

Carrie: Oh... Uh, I was just doing a lint check, y'know, for the camera! Woo hoo, race! (looks down awkwardly and unbeknownst to her, Devin shoots her an uneasy look)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Kelly and Taylor, mom and daughter.

The camera switches over to a rich looking older woman and her daughter.

****(Team Interview: Kelly and Taylor)** **

Kelly: So, A, I'm really hot obviously and B, I'm pretty much the best at everything I do, so unless my mom screws everything up as usual, we should totally be able to win this race.

Kelly giggles, seemingly oblivious to her daughter's rude remark.

Kelly: I'm always known as the "Cool Mom" whenever Taylor's friends come over to our house. We're so close, that there are times where people actually mistake us for sisters!

Taylor: Wait... Say WHAT NOW?

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Emma and Kitty, actual sisters!

The camera switches over to a pair of Asian sisters. The younger one is preoccupied with taking selfies on her phone before her sister glances at her annoyed and rips it out of her hands.

****(Team Interview: Emma and Kitty)** **

Emma: I'm studying international law so that's going to give us a real edge. Which is good, because we're here to win!

Kitty: Don't forget we're also here to see the world and meet some hot guys!

Emma: Yeah, sure. (rolls her eyes) IF there's time for that, which there won't be, so, let's just focus on the race, ok?

Kitty (sighing): Fine...

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Crimson and Ennui, two exceptionally pale and creepy teens!

The camera focuses in on a pair of young goths. The two say nothing and are motionless, aside from a bolt of lightning seeming to flash behind them.

Don: Okay, that's just unnerving.

****(Team Interview: Crimson and Ennui)** **

Ennui: Even Goths can fall into monotony, so we thought a world trip would be the perfect way to shake things up.

Crimson: You can only stew in sorrow in the same place for so long. Sooner or later even we need a change in scenery.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Owen and Noah, seasoned reality TV participants.

Owen (laughing): Yeah! Woo! (offers Noah a hi-five which annoys the Indian-Canadian) Don't leave me hanging.

****(Team Interview: Owen and Noah)** **

Owen: Noah and I met on Total Drama and we both have been on tons of reality TV shows since then like (counts the shows on his fingers) Meltdown Kitchen, and Scare Tractor, and Fashionista Flip Flop.

Noah: Don't know how you got on that one.

Owen: Aw, I'm just really psyched to be reunited with my little buddy. (pulls Noah in for a hug and making him shrink like a girl as his spine seemingly breaks)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Jay and Mickey, identical twins who are used to overcoming adversity.

A pile of suitcases falls on the twins.

****(Team Interview: Jay and Mickey)** **

Mickey: We've both been through a lot, but we're not cursed! Whatever comes right before cursed or maybe even right after cursed, that's us!

Jay: When I was 6, I fell into an owl's nest and one of the baby owls flew into my ear. (points to one of his ears) To this day, everything on this side sounds like 'hoo hoo hoo'.

Mickey: We're constantly facing adversity, and overcoming it.

Jay: I'm sorry, we gotta switch sides. It's just that everything you're saying right now sounds like 'hoo hoo hoo'.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Stephanie and Ryan, totally in love daters.

****(Team Interview: Stephanie and Ryan)** **

Ryan: Stephanie and I met at the gym two months and 6 days ago, and we've been going steady ever since!

Stephanie: We're both so excited! Neither of us have ever gone traveling before, so there's a lot to discover, such as... What do chocolate protein bars taste like in China?

Ryan: No way! I was just thinking about that! (Stephanie grins at Ryan before the two start passionately making out)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Jacques and Josee, professional ice dancers!

A pair of elegantly dressed ice dancers leaps out the train doors gracefully. Once they land on the ground, they immediately begin smiling and waving to the cameras enthusiastically.

****(Team Interview: Jacques and Josee)** **

Jacques: We know how to win, we've won gold everywhere!

Josee: Except for the Olympics. Jacques dropped me on my head, so we only got silver.

Jacques (crying): I don't want to talk about it! (runs off)

Josee: Jacques! Silver's his least favorite color.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Geoff and Bridgette, surfing couple.

A blonde haired, blue eyed young man with a cowboy hat stepped out the train with a blonde girl in a blue hoodie with her hair in a ponytail.

Geoff: Ha ha ha, goin' around the world on someone's dime! Sounds like a pretty good deal!

Bridgette: And with a much more likeable host. And hopefully better food.

Geoff (stomach growling): Please don't talk about that, babe. I still get Wawanakwa flashbacks.

****(Team Interview: Geoff and Bridgette)** **

Geoff: My girl and I did Total Drama together.

Bridgette: It's where we fell in love. And despite some rocky moments...

Geoff: Including me turning into a total diva.

Bridgette (nods): We managed to hold strong. I was actually supposed to be surfing around Australia, but then I got a call from my friend Gwen. Turns out Courtney had a serious turnaround during Total Drama All-Stars and wanted to make up. The call took so long I missed my flight! So now me and Geoff get to travel the world together!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The first 10 teams eventually reach the starting line.

Don: Right this way teams, over here. Also competing, Mike and Zoey, recent newlyweds.

****(Team Interview: Mike and Zoey)** **

Mike: After dealing with my Multiple Personality Disorder, and taking several months of therapy, my life is finally on the turnaround.

Zoey: We decided to get married, both because we really love each other and so we could be an emotional pillar for each other. I know we can do this. Mike actually inherited skills from his other personalities.

Mike: (starts counting off on his fingers) Svetlana's gymnastic skills, Vito's toughness, Manitoba's navigation abilities, Mal's strength, even Chester contributed with his spatial awareness. We got this!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Dwayne and Dwayne Junior, father and son.

****(Team Interview: Dwayne and Junior)** **

Dwayne: Yeah, I'm almost always out working in the old office. So, my wife suggested that Junior and I squeeze in a little father and son bonding time by doing the race. We're gonna have a good time, right buddo?

Junior: Uh, yeah, sure dad... Hey, uh, are there any other kids my age on this thing?

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Sanders and MacArthur, ambitious police cadets.

****(Team Interview: Sanders and MacArthur)** **

MacArthur: We're tough as nails and will not hesitate to go to the extreme to win this thing.

Sanders: Definitely, so long as we don't break any international laws.

MacArthur: Eh, I'm okay with breaking a law or two, occasionally. (Sanders gazes at her cautiously)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Chet and Lorenzo, two newly introduced stepbrothers who absolutely detest one another.

****(Team Interview: Chet and Lorenzo)** **

Chet: My mom married his dad last year, but despite all that, we absolutely hate each other!

Lorenzo: Yeah and after they found out about this show, they signed the both of us up thinking that it would 'make us get along' or something like that. Newsflash jerks, it won't!

Chet: Hey! Don't call my mom a jerk! She's not as bad as your dad! (shoves Lorenzo)

Lorenzo: Don't you dare call my dad a jerk, jerk! (pounces on Chet and the two start fighting again)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Also racing, Tom and Jen, two highly attractive fashion bloggers with impeccable taste... I told you not to let the teams write their own cards.

****(Team Interview: Tom and Jen)** **

Jen: Hey hey hey to all our blog followers out there! Wish us luck!

Tom: When we found out about this, I told Jen that if she could get us on the race that our strategy would be to win with style! It was a joke, I didn't think she'd actually take me up on it. (chuckles at the memory)

Jen: What can I say? I put my mind to something, and it happens!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Rock and Spud, two highly energetic rockers from a small-town band. And no, I've never heard of their band either.

****(Team Interview: Rock and Spud)** **

Rock: My bro Spud's not good at much of anything, so he wasn't really sure about doing this race. But when I told him about our strategy for him to party on as I carried him, he immediately agreed to it! And now, we're ready to ROCK and ROLL, am I right Spud? (nudges a nonchalant Spud who is wearing his headphones)

A few seconds pass.

Spud (takes off his headphones): I'm sorry... What were you saying, man?

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Miles and Laurie, a pair of hippie dippy, granola loving friends.

****(Team Interview: Miles and Laurie)** **

Laurie: We want to win so we can donate to our favorite charities.

Miles: There's so many great causes out there. Save the Hunchback Walrus, People for the Ethical Treatment of Ants, Goat Milk Eco Warriors. So many great causes, I could go on all day. (Laurie nods in agreement)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Mary and Ellody, scientific geniuses who say they will use their winnings to benefit the science community.

****(Team Interview: Mary and Ellody)** **

Ellody: Astrophysics is underfunded. Reality shows offer monetary prizes. Conundrum solved!

Mary: Yeah, pretty much.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Leonard and Tammy, dedicated live action role-players. Whatever that means...

****(Team Interview: Leonard and Tammy)** **

Leonard: Pahkitew Island was tough, but with Tammy's new spells, huzzah! We shall claim the dragon's eye! Which is dwarfish for million.

Tammy: Yeah, with my new force-field spell, there's no way anyone can beat us!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Pete and Gerry, old tennis rivals from the '70s!

****(Team Interview: Pete and Gerry)** **

Garry: We're both very competitive, but for half a mill each? Game on!

The two men chuckle at Gerry's comment.

Pete: Maybe we'll get some new sponsorships, anyone need a pitchman for senior's laxatives? Call his agent! (points to Gerry and the two men laugh together again)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: And finally, Rena Rouge and Carapace, Parisian superheroes... Who are also dating. How is it we have at least four dating couples in this race and yet only _one_ is actually called the "Daters"?

****(Team Interview: Rena Rouge and Carapace)** **

Rena Rouge: After our victory on Heroes' Day, it looked like Hawk Moth was taking some time off to lick his wounds.

Carapace: So Ladybug, our team leader, suggested we each travel the world for some training. Me and Rena heard about this race and decided it was perfect.

Rena Rouge (smugly): Our super suits give us enhanced physical capabilities. We can totally own this race!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The scene cuts back to Don standing at the starting line, now with all 21 teams gathered around him.

Don: Welcome Contestants! This line that I'm standing on right now, is the starting point for your 26-part race around the world. At the end of each part there is a Chill Zone. The last person to check into each Chill Zone, may be cut from the race. The first person to reach our last Chill Zone will win one million dollars! (The teams cheer at the thought of winning the money)

Don walks over to a smaller, and more deformed version of himself with a button on the top of its head.

Don: This is our Ridonculous Tip Box, or as I like to call it, the Don Box. Press the button and you will be given a Travel Tip that will lead you through the Ridonculous Race! Now that I've finished explaining the basics, it's time to start our race! Are you ready teams? On your marks... Get set... Race!

The teams start rushing towards him and trampling him

Don (being trampled): Watch the face! Not the hair! AH! Ow... Uh...

The Surfers press the Don Box to receive their Travel Tip.

Geoff (panting): Race on foot to the CN Tower...

Dwayne (panting): And find the Don Box to get your next tip.

Tom and Jen press the Don Box.

The camera switches to the Surfers running, while being followed by Father & Son, the Ice Dancers, and the Teen Designers.

Junior (pointing): There's the tower!

Jacques (running with his arms open): And here comes the competition.

Dwayne: Huh? Where? (trips on a trash can and rolls with it for a while) Uh... Whoa. (The trash can lands on top of the Ice dancers.) Oh my bad.

Geoff (running to the Ice dancers): Whoa, nasty! Are you guys ok? (The ice Dancers toss the trash can) Whoa... (Bridgette pulls Geoff back as the trash lands).

Bridgette: Let's get moving!

The other teams run to the tower.

The Father and Son team are the first to reach the second Don Box.

Junior (pulling out the tip): It's an Either/Or! What's an Either/Or?! (the Surfers, Newlyweds, and Ice Dancer run up and hit the button for their Travel Tip)

The camera switches to Don who is walking inside the tower.

Don: An Either/Or gives teams the opportunity to pick a particular challenge out of two. In this case, Stairs or Scares. They either climb 144 flights of stairs to reach the world's tallest observation deck. That's just under a billion stairs (the camera pans up said stairs before switching back to Don near the door that leads to the stairs). Or they take the elevator (walks to said elevator) and get the scare of a lifetime (goes outside. The day is hella windy) by doing a skywalk all the way around the outside of the tower. Not to worry though, they'll be wearing helmets and safety harnesses. And as an extra precaution we had a safety railing installed! (shows off the heavily bolted railing) After the teams finish whichever task they chose to complete, they must find this local guide to receive their next travel tip. (points to a redhead man who is sleeping on a bench)

Sanders presses the Don Box and pulls out the tip. Chet and Lorenzo are seen fighting over their tip.

Sanders (holding the tip): 144 flights of stairs!? Yeah, we'll do scares.

Tom (holding the tip): Scares!

Chet: Scares! (Let's go of the tip, Lorenzo falls backward) Called it!

Mickey (nervously): Stairs.

****(Team Interview: Jay and Mickey)** **

Jay: Mickey has this condition where if he goes too high too fast, he starts to get nosebleeds. It's why we don't take flights very often or go up really tall towers. (As he yanks the tip out of Mickey's hand, he released a yelp of pain)

Mickey: Paper cut.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut to inside an elevator, Dwayne and Junior get inside, followed quickly by Lila and Marinette.

Dwayne: First in, all right! Way to go, Junior! (Raises his hand for a high five) Give me a high five! (Accidentally hits the elevator buttons instead, which causes it to spark until all the buttons are lit up. Dwayne laughs nervously while Junior glares at him) Stairs?

Marinette (looking at the camera): And I thought I was klutzy.

Lila (nodding and pointing at Marinette): This girl's apparently ran face-first into walls by sheer accident.

****(Team Interview: Dwayne and Junior)** **

Dwayne: For a tower there sure are a LOT of floors!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Dwayne whistles as he and Junior make their way to the stairs. Lila and Marinette are about to do the same, but get blocked as the other teams come in and get on the elevator.

Geoff: Hey, who pushed all the buttons!?

MacArthur: Gotta take the stairs! (She and everyone else except for Sanders, Tom, Jen, Lila, and Marinette run toward the stairs)

Sanders: Or we could just wait.

MacArthur: HUSTLE! (Sanders cringes and runs after her, Jen just shrugs as the door closes)

Jen: This'll probably just be faster.

Lila (sighing): Well, we don't _need_ to be first until the last Chill Zone anyway. (Marinette rolls her eyes)

Don: While the Cadets, Father and Son, and the Adversity Twins commit to climbing the unconscionable number of stairs, more teams choose Scares, but they're in for a long wait.

Inside the elevator cart, Tom and Jen are talking to the camera.

Jen: Hey fashion lovers, we would like to talk about today's fashion faux pas which is... (not paying attention to the floor they're on, an old janitor wearing overalls and a brown cap is mopping the floor. Lila and Marinette look at each other, getting a bad feeling)

Tom: Overalls! Ugh, nasty! (The janitor scowls in their direction)

Jen: I know, right? Ugh, like, get with today! (The janitor glares)

Cut to the top floor, the elevator opens up and Jen and Tom walk out, both soaking wet, Jen having a new bucket on her head, and Tom having a mop on his. They take them off, scowling and look around. Lila sighs as she gets out, Marinette just behind her as she shakes her head.

Marinette: You were asking for that.

****(Team Interview: Lila and Marinette)** **

Lila: And this is why Alya says to always check your sources.

Marinette (smug): Oh, like she did when you claimed to be Ladybug's BFF?

Lila (eyes narrowed): Let's not speak of that again. The point is... Have you fashion police academy rejects never heard of Mario!? Overalls can still work for fashion, culo brains!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Jen: I don't see any other teams (the guide looks in their direction) We're in first place! (Squeals)

Tom: Let's hit the skywalk and strut all the way to the winners circle! (Starts strutting toward the skywalk, confidently)

Jen: We are SO the team to beat!

They look outside to see they are pretty high up, the wind howling.

Jen (shouting over the wind): We have to walk out here!? (they look back inside to see Lila and Marinette already putting on their helmets and safety harnesses, a look of confidence and smugness on their faces)

Don (maliciously): Oh, yes you do... (Normally) The Ridonculous Race will return!

****(Commercial Break)** **

Cut to the Surfers, Daters, Ice Dancers, Stepbrothers, and Superheroes running up the stairs.

Don: Those who chose Stairs are in for a painful climb. Frankly, that'll be more fun to watch.

Jay and Mickey are taking a break.

Mickey: On the upside, we're definitely not in last place! On the downside, that probably won't be true for long. (He and Jay start running again)

The other teams run after them.

In the main lobby, Mom and Daughter have joined the other teams.

Taylor (panting): Great! (turns to Kelly) Thanks for being slow, now we're gonna race for last place! (zoom out to see the other teams in the lobby.) When I get home, hire us a personal trainer.

Kelly: Great idea, sweetie!

Taylor: I KNOW, that's why I thought of it.

Cut to the stairs, Jay and Mickey have slowed down enough for the Surfers and Newlyweds to pass.

Geoff: Sweet forms dudes! Keep it up!

Mickey (to Jay): They seem nice.

Jay: No alliances, remember?

****(Team Interview: Jay and Mickey)** **

Mickey: Jay doesn't think we should form an alliances.

Jay: We're soft meat.

Mickey: REALLY soft meat.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut to Sanders, hunched over a rail, sweating and making barfing noises.

Sanders: Lungs on fire! (hiccups) So queasy!

MacArthur leaps down and scoops her over her shoulder.

MacArthur: So you're one of those skinny people who can't climb ten flights of stairs without spewing chunks, huh? What do you do, yoga?

The Newlyweds pass them.

Zoey: Hey! Yoga is very important for a healthy lifestyle!

Mike: And besides, we're more like fifty stories up by now!

MacArthur: Eh, semantics.

Cut to Dwayne and Junior running up the stairs along with the Superheroes, Surfers, Adversity Twins, Ice Dancers, Daters, and Stepbrothers.

Don: As teams continue to climb (cut to the main lobby, Leonard is meditating and Owen is eating beans, everyone else looking bored) or wait.

Owen continues to chow down on his beans.

Don: And wait.

Tammy starts cleaning her ocarina.

Don: And wait.

Zoom in on the Goths.

Don: And wait some more, (pan up to the observation deck) the Fashion Bloggers and Teen Designers are the first to reach the observation deck, but the scare might be too much.

Tom (to the guide): We can't go out on that death walk! I am fashionably svelte, the wind will blow me away! (the guide just rolls his eyes)

Marinette (finishes putting on her helmet): You should have thought of that before choosing to stay on the elevator. (she and Lila prepare to head out to the skywalk)

Jen (gulping): Yeah... We probably should have picked Stairs, sweats stains on our cashmere be damned... (Tom nods in agreement)

Down at the lobby the elevator dings and the door opens. The teams rush inside.

Don: With the return of the elevator the competition is heating up. (the doors close)

Taylor (glaring at the door): Rude!

Owen walks over to Leonard and Tammy

Owen: Wow, nice coat!

Leonard: This coat has magic! Observe! (Owen watches, a bit confused) DISAPPEARACUS! Can't see me anymore, can ya?

Owen: Um, I'm gonna go over there. (points to where Noah is sitting, reading a book)

Cut to the observation deck, the guide is holding a box of helmets.

Tom (scoffs): Helmets? A-a-a-are you crazy?! You want us to ruin our hair?! No, I did not sign up for that.

Jen: Plus purple REALLY isn't my color.

Tom: It's not, trust her.

The guide just stares at the camera.

Cut to the stairs, Dwayne is tired and barely walking, Geoff and Bridgette catching up to him.

Geoff: Doing great babe! My calves are getting so chiseled I feel like I'm gonna look like a Greek god from the knees down!

Bridgette: Like you need help looking hunky! (giggles)

The Ice Dancers stop and wave to the camera.

Josee: Hello, to all of our fans! (she and Jacques blow kisses at the camera) We love you!

Cuts to Sanders being carried by MacArthur.

Sanders: Put me down, I can do this!

MacArthur: I beg to differ, Chicken Legs.

****(Team Interview: Sanders and MacArthur)** **

MacArthur: It's all in the glutes! I always use the stair machine at the gym. I'm basically 80% glutes at this point that's taking over my muscles. (Flexes her bicep) You see this? That's glutes. All glutes.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Rena Rouge stops to stare at MacArthur from above.

Carapace: Man, where's an officer like her in Paris, right babe?

Rena Rouge: Yeah, a few dozen more like her and our jobs would be easier.

Cut to outside the tower.

Don: After hours of stair climbing, some of our contestants are REALLY losing it.

Cut to Lorenzo and Chet, both out of breath and wheezing.

Chet: If we come in last it's your fault! Doofus!

Lorenzo: Hurry up... And climb faster! Slowpoke!

Chet: Stop breathing on my back! Sweatball!

Cut to Jay and Mickey, Mickey looking a bit crazed.

Jay (wheezing): Stay with me Mickey... Eyes wide.

Mickey (creepily): It's okay mommy, I don't need your elephant!

Jay (to the camera): This is why we don't visit a lot of skyscrapers.

In the elevator, the Best Friends, Geniuses, Goths, Tennis Rivals, Vegans, and Sisters get out.

Devin: There's the skywalk, come on! (he and Carrie run to the guide, grab the helmets, and run outside)

Tom (to the other teams): Hold on! We need to make sure MY helmet is disinfected before anyone else. (everyone, even the guide glares at him.)

Out on the skywalk, Carrie and Devin are looking down nervously. Lila and Marinette have already begun their skywalk and have made some decent progress.

Devin (his voice echoing): Gah! Oh man!

Carrie (shouting over the wind): Okay, you always wanted to conquer your fear of heights, right?

Devin: I'm not scared of heights, I'm scared of FALLING from heights! Big difference!

Carrie (grabbing his shoulder in comfort): Don't worry, it's a TV competition. It's gotta be safe!

Marinette: That's what they said on the first episode of Total Drama Island!

Lila: Right before they had to dive off a thousand-foot high cliff into shark-infested waters!

Devin: Not helping! But at least there aren't any sharks this far inland.

Gerry and Pete rush past them, laughing.

Pete: Now we're in the lead! (cackles) Way to snooze, chuckleheads!

Lila clears her throat, catching the Tennis Rivals' attention.

****(Team Interview: Pete and Gerry)** **

Pete: I keep this up and I'll lose my sponsorship for contact lenses.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Carrie (calmer and to Devin): You can do it! (grabs his hands) I believe in you!

Devin: That makes one of us!

They start walking, holding hands, the Tennis Rivals and Teen Designers just ahead barely staying in place. Suddenly, a raccoon with an umbrella floats upward chittering, Carrie and Devin just look confused.

Down in the lobby, Noah and Owen are running to the elevator.

Owen: Oh, make room for two more!

Taylor (clicking the button): Sorry, no more room.

Noah: Hey, stop it! (smacks her hand away from the button so Owen can get in just in time)

The elevator creaks and squeaks as it rises.

Taylor: This elevator sounds awful.

Owen's tummy starts to rumble, Owen looks at Noah nervously with sweat dripping down his forehead.

Noah: Dude, don't tell me you're gonna-- (Owen let's out a toot, noxious green fumes fill the cart, everyone looks disgusted except for Noah who just stares forward, deadpan).

Out on the skywalk, the Sisters, Fashion Bloggers, and Vegans are all out on the deck with the Best Friends, Tennis Rivals, and Teen Designers. Gerry and Pete are suddenly blown backward, the harnesses, hooked up to the safety rail, keeping them from getting pushed too far.

Gerry: I can see why they double-bolted this thing! If it falls, we fall!

Carrie (to Devin): That's it! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other! I'm so proud of you Devin!

Devin: I couldn't do it without you, pal! (Carrie smiles at this, Devin starts to say silently) I'm going to die, I'm going to die...

Kitty (taking selfies): This is SO cool!

Emma: Focus! This is life or death!

Kitty: Come on, look at what we're doing! It's so incredible! I feel so alive!

Emma: Yeah, make sure they put that quote on your gravestone. (grabs Kitty's hand and drags her)

Jen (hugging Tom): Promise me you'll never let go!

Tom: NEVER! Can you believe people pay to do this?!

Laurie: We're doing this for you, Mother Earth! Don't kill us!

****(Team Interview: Lila and Marinette)** **

Lila: At first I thought our chances were good since we and the Fashion Bloggers managed to get to the top first in spite of Dwayne's little fumble...

Marinette: And then the second elevator came up. I can only imagine how far we'll fall behind once the ones who picked Stairs finally reach the top. _They_ get to take the tip without issue.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut to the stairwell, MacArthur is still carrying Sanders.

MacArthur: Coming through, we're out for the win!

Jacques: Not for long!

Cut to the elevator, the door opens and the fumes and several coughing teams get out. The Reality TV Pros, LARPers, Mom and Daughter and Rockers run out.

Don: The last elevator has arrived, but while those teams still have to take the dreaded skywalk teams that took the stairs are literally leaping into the lead (As he says this, Jacques and Josee, who at some point must've passed the Cadets team, leap out to the guide who looks unimpressed, the Superheroes right behind them)

Carapace (reading the tip): Looks like we're taking a zip line to the airport. See you dudes at the bottom! (he and Rena Rouge run for the the zip lines)

Cut to outside the skywalk, a zip line to an airport is shown to be the drop-off point.

Don: Teams must ride a zip line over Lake Ontario to this island airport, and snag their next tip along the way. (Cut to Don standing next to some mattresses laid out at the end of the zip line) The line was tested this morning by our intern Andrew. (Andrew comes flying in on the zip line, screaming in excitement) Considering he's taken the trip at least a dozen times and enjoyed it each time... I think it's strong enough for even the biggest of our racers.

Jacques: You will not have first for long, turtle boy! (grabs Josee by the hip and jumps on the T-Bar, the Superheroes hurrying after them as they both manage to grab a tip) Go Team Canada!

Rena Rouge: Go Team Miraculous!

Cut to the Best Friends and Teen Designers running back into the building, done with their walk.

Devin: Oh, thank goodness!

Marinette: Eh, just another day up the Eiffel Tower really.

Gerry and Pete run on screen. Pete's knee cracks and he collapses on the floor.

Pete: Gah! Ow! My artificial knee just gave out and ow! (Gerry smiles)

****(Team Interview: Pete and Gerry)** **

Pete: Gotta say, agreeing to doing this show was a great idea. We've been through WAY tougher battles than any of these kids. So what if they got more zing or ambition or (starts getting sadder) blind optimism or... This show was a terrible idea.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The Cadets reach the top of the stairs as MacArthur drops Sanders.

MacArthur: Alright, now it's your turn to carry me. (Sanders raises an eyebrow) I'm kidding. You couldn't carry a loaf of bread.

****(Team Interview: Sanders and MacArthur)** **

MacArthur: Looks like a lot of the team are dealing with some dead weight.

Sanders (incredulous): Are you referring to me? (glares when she sees MacArthur's wide grin)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut to the Best Friends, Teen Designers, and Tennis Rivals as they get their tips.

Carrie: Zip line? I've always wanted to do that!

Gerry: Zip line? I NEVER wanted to do that!

Lila and Marinette look at each other and laugh.

****(Team Interview: Lila and Marinette)** **

Marinette (giggling): I should send some of these interactions to Marc and Nathaniel. They could make a new comic out of it. (Lila is laughing off-screen)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The Ice Dancers are the first to reach the Island Airport and wave to the cameras, smiling. The Superheroes land right behind them.

Don (quirking his eyebrows): Uh, who are you waving to?

Josee (with a huge grin): Our fans!

****(Team Interview: Jacques and Josee)** **

Josee: Our fans give us the love and energy we need to perform under extreme pressure. Without them my partner Jacques would never be able to overcome his ma-any flaws.

Jacques: Uh, why do you say many like that?

Josee (smirking): You know why!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Josee hands the tip over to Jacques

Jacques (reading the tip): Book seats on the next flight to Morocco!

Don: There are three flights heading for Morocco departing 30 minutes apart. Teams who make it on to the first flight have the distinct advantage over the other teams. Teams on the last flight should probably question why they even entered the race to begin with because, seriously?

****(Team Interview: Noah and Owen)** **

Noah: Every reality show I've been on, I've lost. This time, no excuses, no distraction. I got my eye on the cheddar.

Owen: Same here. I was lucky to win Total Drama Island, then stupidly gave up the money for a bigger prize that I failed to grab. I plan to make up for it this time around. This time, my biggest meal will be victory!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Carrie and Devin ride the zip line and snag a tip.

Devin: You did it! You're the best Carrie! (Carrie smiles)

****(Team Interview: Carrie and Devin)** **

Devin: I had to do the race with Carrie, she's smart, fast, determined...

Carrie (shyly): Aww shucks, Dev.

Devin: And my girlfriend Shelly was busy practicing for an upcoming tennis tournament, so I really had no other choice!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Lila is zooming down the zip line while Marinette clings to her, easily snagging the tip.

Marinette (grinning): Got it! Time for the crash!

Gerry and Pete follow closely behind the Teen Designers, however Pete is barely clinging to the pulley.

Gerry (unsympathetically): Need a hand buddy? (Pete nods profusely)

Gerry smirks evilly and shoves Pete into the water.

Gerry: And that was for Wimbledon '77! (chuckles and snags a tip, before realizing he too had his hands off the pulley and falls into the water)

Back on the skywalk, Noah is struggling.

Owen: You need to put on a few pounds little buddy!

Noah is blown forward and is barely kept from falling by Owen and the safety harness, much to the horror of the teams who were watching.

Noah (holding onto Owen in fright): Whatever you do, do NOT let go!

****(Team Interview: Noah and Owen)** **

Noah and Owen have a windswept look to their hair and looks of fright on their faces.

Noah: Maybe doing this show wasn't such a good idea.

Owen: Maybe?

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Rock and Spud start to climb the skywalk.

Rock: Dude, look at this! (he spits into the wind and it blew back into Spud's face)

Spud: Whoa... That was like, extreme, man!

****(Team Interview: Rock and Spud)** **

Rock: Now I wonder what would happen if I spat straight down.

Spud: _I_ wonder what would happen if someone threw up on that thing.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

MacArthur (to Sanders): Whoever grabs the tip first gets the top bunk back at our dorms!

Sanders (with a confident smile): I already have the top bunk though.

MacArthur: Maybe now, but you won't have it for long, sister!

Back at the tower, the Surfers and Newlyweds reach the top of the stairs. Suddenly, Zoey collapses as she grabs her abdomen.

Bridgette: Oh no! Is it menstrual cramps?

Zoey (grunting): Can't be... I skipped a period.

Geoff looks at Mike knowingly.

Mike (sighs): We're waiting on confirmation from the doctor, but he did assure us that if Zoey _is_ pregnant, it's early enough that strenuous activity like what we're doing won't hurt the fetus. Heck, at this stage it wouldn't even be technically alive.

The Father and Son and Daters reach the observation deck and pass them.

Stephanie (cheering): We did it baby!

Ryan takes notice of the Newlyweds' predicament and picks Stephanie up and places her on his shoulder.

Stephanie (squealing): I love it when you get all gentlemen like!

Noah and Owen are both blown back into the observation deck, while Mary and Ellody walk back with green gunk over their face.

Ellody: Well, that was a disaster

Mary spits up and a fly buzzes out her mouth.

****(Team Interview: Mary and Ellody)** **

Ellody: Based on the splatter, the wind velocity was 45 knots. 20 more, and we'd certainly be splattered, even with the safety harnesses!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The Best Friends and Teen Designers read their tip, and their eyes widen in delight before they run off, with the Tennis Rivals following close behind them all wet.

Don: What happened to you two?

Pete (yelling): You DON'T want to know!

The Tennis Rivals run as soon as they read their tip. The Cadets follow right after them.

Cuts to the observation deck where Zoey's cramps have passed, letting the Newlyweds get their tip while the Rockers, LARPers, and Goths come back from their skywalk.

Chet and Lorenzo reach the top of the stairs and sluggishly move over to the observation deck.

A montage begins with the Sisters, Geniuses, Vegans, Father and Son, Fashion Bloggers, Mom and Daughter, and Daters zipping down the line over to the mattress. As each team gets their tip, they immediately rush towards the airport to book a flight to Morocco. After nearly every team was gone, Owen and Noah land on the mattress, with Owen crushing Noah as he landed.

Don: As teams start to board flights one and two, the race to not come in last intensifies.

Cut to the observation deck, where Jay is dragging Micky just behind the Newlyweds, who are being helped by the Surfers.

Jay: Come on, bro. Stay with me.

Mickey: I'm a dainty princess~

Meanwhile, Chet and Lorenzo snag their tip, and bicker over it.

Chet: I found the tip first!

Lorenzo: No, it was me! Stop lying, doofus!

The two land on the mat, with the Surfers and Newlyweds landing right on top of them. The Surfers read the tip in Lorenzo's hand.

Geoff: Morocco? Sweet!

The Stepbrothers briefly lift their heads, before the twins land on them.

Mickey: Oh wow, I can't believe we did it! (realize what the and his brother are sitting on) Oh... Sorry.

Chet (groaning): We're fine... Just watch where you're going, turkey!

The Adversity Twins immediately run off.

Mickey (looks worriedly at the tip): Yay... Flying...

The Stepbrothers get off the mattress as the Rockers, Goths, and LARPers zip down the line.

After every team has reached the airport, the scene switches to an electronic map of the world.

Don: Now that all of the teams have arrived and the flights have been booked, it's time to look at where each team stands! (one plane is outlined in yellow) Flight Number 1 contains the Ice Dancers, Best Friends, Tennis Rivals, Teen Designers, Superheroes, Police Cadets, and Father and Son! (The portraits of the teams pop up as he names them. After this, the previously yellow plane returns back to its formerly green color and another plane turns yellow) Flight Number 2 contains the Daters, Reality TV Pros, Sisters, Vegans, Fashion Bloggers, Mom and Daughter, and Rockers! (Like before, the portraits of the teams popped up as he named them. The last plane turns yellow) And finally, the last flight contains the Geniuses, Goths, Adversity Twins, LARPers, Surfers, Newlyweds, and Stepbrothers! (the final set of portraits appears) Who will win the next jaunt in our race? Tune in next time to find out. The Ridonculous Race... Is to be continued!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's our first chapter.
> 
> Is Zoey truly pregnant?
> 
> Can any team outperform two superheroes?
> 
> How on Earth are Marinette and Lila getting along?
> 
> Find out next time on Total Drama: The Miraculous Race!
> 
> Also, leave a comment on where you want the Teen Designers, Superheroes, and Newlyweds to place at the Chill Zone next chapter. Two rules:
> 
> 1\. None of them can be in last place. (I don't intend to eliminate any of them until at least halfway through the story)  
> 2\. None of them can be in first through third place. (This is to preserve humor from canon)


	2. Nothing Stew It But To Chew It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, no one voted, so I had to make due. Maybe I'll skip the voting from now on.

Don: Last time on The Ridonculous Race... Twenty-one teams started a race around the world. After a lot of running, waiting, even more running, confronting fears, and pushing themselves further than I thought possible, everyone reached the airport and booked themselves on three different flights to Morocco. Flight number one with six teams aboard has already departed.

Owen giggles.f

Don: The next six teams are on flight number two, which is about to take off. Meanwhile, the Geniuses, Goths, LARPers, Adversity Twins, Surfers, Stepbrothers and Newlyweds' flight will not be departing for another hour. Will one of these teams suffer another reality show humiliation and get kicked off first? Time to find out. This is... The Ridonculous Race.

****(Theme song plays)** **

Don: Fourteen teams are already on their way to Morocco. Seven are still at the airport, waiting anxiously.

Mickey: Sanitizer?

Jay: No need. I made a point of not touching anything. Juice?

Jay and Mickey: Ah!

Leonard: Greetings, gentleman! What say you to an amalgamation of adversaries? A weaving of wizards and doppelgangers to rule them all? (Tammy tosses a bunch of confetti)

Jay: Ah! I'm allergic to confetti!

Mickey: Jay! Your calamine lotion!

Chet: Your plan won't work, mom! We're not gonna become friends, because Lorenzo is a poohead, that's why! Can't you just divorce his dad?!

Lorenzo: Hey, is that my dad?

Chet: No, my mom!

Lorenzo: Dad! You gotta divorce Chet's mom!

Chet: Quit it! Knock it off! (the two start struggling over the phone)

Chet: Mom!

Lorenzo: Dad!

The LARPers approach the Goths.

Leonard: Salutations! We wish to propose an unstoppable joining of alchemy and alabaster, to vanquish those who dare to cross us. (Tammy throws more confetti while the Goths remain stone-faced) Surely you shall not say nay.

Ennui and Crimson both sigh as they get up and leave. Tammy throws more confetti.

Leonard: Come on, Tammy. Go easy on that. We only got the one bag. (Tammy throws more confetti)

****(Team Interview: Leonard and Tammy)** **

Leonard: Tammy and I first met in ninth grade. And we were immediately very close.

Tammy: We were stuffed into the same locker.

Leonard: And a friendship was formed as we calmly ate our lunches and waited for the janitor to locate the bolt cutters.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: Morocco. Originally named Italy until it was discovered there already was an Italy. Home to scorching hot foods, as well as scorching hot deserts. Flight number one has just landed. Now the teams need to find the Don Box, and collect their next travel tip.

Dwayne: Hurry!

Carrie: Run!

Jacques hits the button first, dispensing the tip.

Jacques: "The Spice is Right" (gasps) It's an All In!

Don: An All In requires that both team members take part in the challenge. In this case, teams must make their way to Yusef's Spice Kiosk and choose five spices from the bountiful array. Some are-- (he reaches for the spices, only to get his hand smacked by Yusef) Ow! Some are sweet, but some are so blisteringly hot, they'll turn your tummy into a volcano of pain.

Devin: It says, "Pick five spices from the kiosk. Ideally cumin, cinnamon..."

Dwayne: "Paprika, saffron, and ginger..."

Marinette: "To receive your next travel tip."

Lila: Look out! (the other contestants stampede towards the taxi, the Superheroes only stopping long enough to help the Teen Designers to their feet) Ugh... Thanks... Taxi!

Dwayne (chuckling): See that, huh? Right into a taxi and headed for Spice Town! We're doing great, pal. Yeah!

Junior: Ugh...

****(Team Interview: Dwayne and Junior)** **

Dwayne: I'm Dwayne. This is Dwayne Jr.

Junior: They already know that.

Dwayne: Uh, we're, we're a father and son team.

Junior: They know that too, dad.

Dwayne: Well, we're gonna win this thing. Bet they didn't know that, huh? Ha ha, news flash! (imitates a news ticker) "Just in, Father and Son team win the million!" (imitates cheering)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut to the Teen Designers in their taxi.

Marinette: Fortunately for all her bragging, Lila does know a few celebrity chefs.

Lila (nods): My mom was able to get Mario Batali to cater my tenth birthday party and he still sends me cooking tips.

Marinette: And I live in Paris's best bakery, the Tom & Sabine Boulangerie Patisserie. Tom and Sabine being my parents. Hey Mom! Hey Dad! Love you!

Lila (giggling): Between the two of us, we should be able to properly identify the right spices easy.

Don: Meanwhile, the teams on flight number two prepare for cold-hearted battle.

Jen: Oh, I'd look so good in that.

Tom is sleeping next to her, snoring. Jen pulls down the emergency oxygen to cover his mouth.

Rock: Spud and I have never been on a plane before. Not scared, though. I've seen lots of planes on TV.

Spud: Uh... Oh yeah, I love that cartoon.

Don: Some of the teams from flight one have reached the spice kiosk.

MacArthur: These aren't labeled. Hey, why aren't the labeled?

Carapace: This country is known for its spices. You're expected to know them by sight.

MacArthur (groaning): Great... If we pick wrong it could have bad consequences down the line.

Carrie: It's this one! This is cinnamon! This is cinnamon! This is cinnamon!

****(Team Interview: Carrie and Devin)** **

Devin: Cinnamon, cinnamon, cinnamon, cinnamon!

Devin and Carrie laugh

Carrie: You totally would've missed it, homie.

Devin: Ha ha. We call each other homie. And as if I would've missed it.

Carrie: I'm the one who lives for cinnamon lattes.

Devin: Yeah, which you constantly spill on me.

Carrie (giggling): Fair enough. I'll never doubt your ability to detect cinnamon again.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Lila: I recognize the cumin, the paprika, and the ginger...

Marinette: And this is definitely cinnamon... Oh, wait! This is saffron! I recognize it from my uncle using it in his signature soup!

****(Team Interview: Lila and Marinette)** **

Marinette: My uncle Wang Cheng won the World's Greatest Chef competition at Le Grand Paris. He even named the dish after me.

Lila (eyes widening): I was wondering why the menu there had a dish called "Marinette Soup".

Marinette (giggling): Chloe was really fuming at that for a while. But she's gotten better.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The teams point to various spices as Yusef scoops them up and places them in bags, each bag having a travel tip attached to it.

Jacques: That's five.

Don: After collecting five spices, the teams get their next travel tip from Yusef.

Jacques: Ugh. We have to ride to a restaurant in the desert. On a camel.

Pan over to the camels as one spits.

Rena Rouge (grinning while twirling her flute): Not a problem.

****(Team Interview: Rena Rouge and Carapace)** **

Carapace: One rule we were given in our contracts is that we can't use our powers to interfere with the other teams. But we _are_ allowed to use them to enhance our own run or protect other contestants.

Rena Rouge: Carapace here can create nigh-indestructible energy barriers, whilst I hold the power to craft realistic illusions.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Rena Rouge plays her flute while on the back of the camel.

Rena Rouge: Mirage! (a bundle of green palm leaves appears dangling from a thread attached to the flute, catching the camel's attention)

Pete: Oh sure. Do it the easy way. Maybe we can grab a few of those leaves.

Gerry: Are you kidding? We climb that palm and suddenly we're in the market for a new lumbar support sponsor.

Pete: Then I got nothing to lose. (both of them start laughing)

Sanders: Is there a restaurant around here? (slowly and loudly) A rest-au-rant! We... looking... For eat-- Ah, whoa!

MacArthur: Easy, Sanders. He's not deaf, he just speaks a different language. Sorry about that. (slowly and loudly) I am sorry! Apologisio! You understand? (notices Sanders and the Teen Designers glaring at her) What?

The teams are now seen trekking across the desert on their camels. Rena Rouge has just popped a berry into her mouth.

Carrie: Ugh, gross. Man, do these camels stink.

MacArthur (sniffing herself): Ugh. Uh, she's right! It's, uh, it's the camels!

Don: As the first teams head off into the desert, flight number two arrives in Morocco.

Tom hits the Don Box and gets the travel tip. The Vegans are seen getting into a taxi as several race off.

Taylor: Taxi! Hurry up, mom!

Cut to the Daters in their taxi.

Stephanie: I know a lot about spices. I eat them in restaurants.

Ryan: She does. You do. And I love that you know about them.

Stephanie (gasping): I love how you love that! (they start making out)

Cut to the Reality TV Pros in their taxi.

Owen: Even after Total Drama World Tour, I'm still kinda scared of flying. So, his name's Beary. (laughs) Get it?

Noah (unenthusiastically): Because he's a bear.

Owen: Yeah! (laughs) Ah, he keeps me calm when I fly. Noah doesn't like him, but he likes Noah. (imitating bear) "Oh yes I do!"

Don: Meanwhile, flight number three is finally in the air. And teams discuss some strategy.

Bridgette: Once we know what the next challenge is, we should play to our strengths.

Geoff: Got it.

****(Team Interview: Geoff and Bridgette)** **

Geoff: I'm glad I got to come her with my girl Bridge. I had my best friend Brody on standby if she couldn't make it but... And no offense to you bro... I always feel like my IQ drops a little when I hang around him.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Owen and Noah reach the kiosk, where Dwayne and Junior have yet to select their spices.

Owen: Um... I, uh... Hmm...

****(Team Interview: Owen and Noah)** **

Owen: Picking spices wasn't easy. But I didn't panic.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Owen (screaming): Why do you all look the same?! (runs off screaming, making Dwayne and Junior worried)

****(Team Interview: Dwayne and Junior)** **

Dwayne: It's not a man's job to know spices. In ancient times, women were the spice collectors and men were the hunters. (chuckles) Ah, those were the days. Yep, man had the power and--

Junior: You know mom's gonna see this on TV, right?

Dwayne: And uh, times have changed. Ha ha ha, yay.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The other taxis start showing up.

Noah: So much for getting the fastest taxi...

Junior: Oh no, the other teams are coming. We're gonna lose our lead!

Dwayne: Uh, let's just pick out any five.

Noah: Good plan. Just give us the five closest to you. (Yusef looks at the spices hesitantly) Come on, man, snap to it! My teammate will eat anything. I once saw him chow down on half a shower curtain.

Owen (sheepishly): There were pictures of cupcakes on it.

The taxis stop and teams start pouring out. Stephanie starts looking over the spices.

Stephanie (sniffing): Wait. That's cumin. Yes, uh... No. No. Wait! Yes! No! Yes! Scoop it!

Don: As more teams reach the spice kiosk, flight number three has finally arrived in Morocco. They'll need to hurry if they hope to catch any of the teams already in search of... The culinary.

Father and Son's camel groans as Dwayne slaps at it.

Dwayne: Hyah, hyah, faster, boy, hyah!

Junior: Dad, I think the camel's going to pass out.

Dwayne: Not to worry, son. Camels are the ship of the desert! They're tireless! (smacks the camel again, causing it to groan and pass out) Ah! Oh, great. We got a broken one.

Back at the kiosk, the Sisters are still picking spices.

Emma: Last one. Cumin, ooh, cumin.

Kitty: I think it's this one.

The final set of taxis start showing up.

Emma: This is no time for guessing games, Kit! Uh... I don't know. This one?

Kitty: So you can guess but I can't?

Emma: Mine is an educated guess. Can you please not throw a temper tantrum right now? (Kitty just stares blankly in confusion) Hurry up!

As Kitty walks off, the Adversity Twins run up.

Jay: Is this one cinnamon? (sniffs) Ah! Achoo!

Cinnamon dust sprays everywhere, causing Mickey to start coughing and gagging.

Mickey: Apparently, we can't breathe cinnamon.

Don: The last teams gather spices...

Leonard: Greetings. Do you accept dragon coin?

Don: But they've still got a long journey ahead of them.

****(Team Interview: Miles and Laurie)** **

Laurie: Our camel Banafrid was beautiful. And deserts are really hot. If we win the million, we're launching a "stop riding camels" campaign.

Miles: Take hikes, not humps.

Laurie: Or we could call it something else.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

****(Team Interview: Mike and Zoey)** **

Zoey: Okay, I think the Vegans are taking their lifestyle just a little too far.

Mike (nodding): If camels couldn't survive in a desert, they wouldn't live out here.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The LARPers are given their spice bag.

Leonard: We're currently in last place, but that's no cause for concern.

Tammy: But we were delayed by a very angry taxi driver.

Leonard: The fool wouldn't accept my dragon coins as payment.

Tammy: Ugh, he'll rue that choice when Armethius the Dragon Ruler takes the throne.

Leonard (laughing): Oh, he'll so rue it.

At the restaurant, a cook lights a fire under a stew pot.

Don: Things are starting to heat up as the Cadets are the first to reach the desert restaurant.

Sanders: There's the Don Box!

MacArthur drops off the camel.

MacArthur (groaning): I can't take this heat. Someone turn off the sun.

Sanders hits the Don Box for the travel tip.

Sanders: It's a "Botch or Watch". "Just Stew It."

MacArthur: That's a challenge only one of us does, right?

Sanders: Okay. "Hand your spices to the chef so he can add them to a bowl of Moroccan stew which one of you must eat."

MacArthur: Oh. I hope we picked the right spices or this could get ugly fast.

Sanders: "When you finish your stew, race on foot as fast as you can to the chill zone, because..."

Don: The last team to meet me here will be cut from the race.

MacArthur: I can't do it. I'm sweating like a perp being questioned inside a hot dog cart.

Sanders: Okay, ew.

The Best Friends, Ice Dancers, and Superheroes walk up.

Josee: Come on, bun-bun. Don't let us down.

****(Team Interview: Jacques and Josee)** **

Josee: I'm not superstitious at all. I just believe that this rabbit's foot is responsible for everything good in my life.

Jacques: Can I rub it?

Josee (laughs): Of course you can't.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Dwayne is trying to pull his camel as the LARPers pass them.

Leonard: I don't wish to overstep, but it's easier if you ride the camel.

Dwayne: Well, thank you very much!

Tammy: You're welcome!

The LARPers pass by the Vegans.

Leonard: Greetings, ladies.

Miles: Take hikes, not humps.

Laurie: Okay, that slogan is really growing on me.

****(Team Interview: Miles and Laurie)** **

Laurie: Miles and I became friends when we met at an anti-meat meeting.

Miles: When Laurie suggested we just call them "ings" instead of meetings, I knew we were gonna get along.

**(Team Interview Over)**

Don: While the LARPers dig themselves out of last place, the race for first heats up as more teams dive into the restaurant challenge.

Lila and Devin are seen in the background downing the stew. Carrie is gazing at Devin.

Carrie (sighs): Oh, Devin. (she realizes the camera is on her and turns around, embarrassed) Uh... That, that was... I was just... Okay, I love him! I've loved him since we were four and he peed in my turtle pool. I mean, that's not why I love him, that's just when it started. But after all this time, how do I tell him? And what if he doesn't feel the same way? He already has a girlfriend, Shelley... (her eyes widen and she waves nervously) Who will see this on TV. What am I doing!?

Marinette: Hey, I get you. I have a crush on this guy Adrien. I mean, a lot of girls do but it's only a celebrity crush. But me... I fell in love when he offered me his umbrella during a rainstorm... (sighs)

Carrie: You do remember cameras are rolling, right?

Marinette (shrugs): Hey, unlike you, I don't have much competition to worry about.

Devin: Yeah, done! Woohoo!

Carrie laughs and glomps him.

Devin: Come on, we're in first!

Lila: Done! Let's hurry!

The Best Friends and Teen Designers start running as other teams move in.

Stephanie: Come on!

Rock: Woohoo! Rock and roll!

The Tennis Rivals are tossed off their camel, sending them screaming. They land in the sand and start groaning. Sanders is slowly sipping her stew, wiping her mouth in-between sips and getting MacArthur annoyed.

MacArthur: Stop wiping your face and chug!

Sanders: This is how civilized people eat.

MacArthur: This ain't a tea party, it's a race for a million dollars. (she grabs the bowl and tips it down Sanders' mouth) Chug!

Sanders: Mm...

MacArthur: Freeze! I mean, done! Woo! (sees all the stew on Sanders' face) Oh. Allow me to get that for you, princess. (she wipes off the stains)

Jacques (chuckling and squealing as Josee sips while in a dancer pose): A wonderful performance of grace and efficiency! Bravo!

MacArthur: Uh-oh. Move it!

Devin and Carrie are running through the desert. Carrie suddenly trips.

Carrie: Whoa!

Devin: You okay, homie?

Carrie gazes as Devin face is framed by the sun. He quickly picks her up onto his shoulders and starts running.

Carrie: Whoa. Ha ha, easy, Romeo.

****(Team Interview: Carrie and Devin)** **

Devin: You know, it would be awkward for most teams to be so close to each other, but Carrie and I? We're such good friends, it's like, pfft, whatever.

Carrie (giggles): Totally. Like, whatever. Ha... Friends.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Carapace and Crimson are seen sipping the stew. Ryan is also eating.

Stephanie (hugs Ryan): Do it, baby! Show that stew you're the man!

Nearby Bridgette and Mary are also eating.

Geoff: So yeah, Bridgette never held it against me that I faked an injury. I mean, I did have a splinter, but it wasn't debilitating.

Ellody: I met Mary at an engineering student's potluck dinner. We both brought pie chart pie. (giggles and snorts) We're quite whimsical.

Geoff (laughing): Oh man! Hey Bridge! Pi-chart pie!

Bridgette (laughing): Geoff! I'm trying to eat here!

Mary: The pie was Ellody's idea. (both of them laugh some more)

Owen (sipping): Hot, hot! (panting) I think you picked the wrong spices!

Noah: Oh, come on, I've seen you eat. You're about as picky as a raccoon. Just do it!

MacArthur is running as Sanders slowly walks behind her.

Sanders: I got a... Stew cramp. Oh, hurts.

MacArthur: Never leave a man behind.

She picks up Sanders and starts running with her over her shoulder.

Sanders: Ow! This hurts!

MacArthur: Not my fault you ain't got no meat on your bones.

Chet, Spud, Kelly, Jay, and Emma are also seen eating.

Emma: Ugh.

Kitty: Come on, Emma! You can do it!

****(Team Interview: Emma and Kitty)** **

Emma: We chose some of the wrong spices.

Kitty: Um, you chose all the spices. (Emma glares at her) Which is good, cuz I was just gonna guess. Ha ha, phew!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Tom is slurping down the stew.

Jen: Whoa, slow down, Tom. You don't wanna get anything on that shirt.

Tom (gasps): You are so right! Can you imagine?

Nearby Chet is also slurping down the stew.

Lorenzo: I hate the way you eat. (Chet spits in his face) Focus on the challenge, dork! (Chet goes back to slurping) I hate the way you slurp.

Devin is still running while carrying Carrie.

Devin (panting): Can you see the chill zone, homie?

Carrie: No. I think we might be... Lost.

They keep going and soon spot the Chill Zone.

Carrie: Look! (they cheer as they race to the carpet)

Don: Welcome to the chill zone. You're the first team to arrive. Congrats. (the Best Friends continue cheering)

Devin: We did it! We did it! Man, I wish I could call Shelley.

Carrie (laughs nervously): Yeah. Shelley.

****(Team Interview: Carrie and Devin)** **

Devin: Coming in first is a bit of a shock. I mean, I knew we'd be a great team, but...

Carrie: First place? Wow.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Carapace: Done! (he and Rena Rouge run for the Chill Zone)

Owen (gulping and panting): Need... Need... Water! (sees one of the camels drooling) Ha! (he runs over and starts slurping, much to Noah and the camel's shock) Ah...

Chet starts to retch.

Lorenzo: Do not spit that out, Chet, or we'll lose!

****(Team Interview: Chet and Lorenzo)** **

Lorenzo: My dad is a motivational speaker, and has taught me everything there is to know.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Lorenzo: Swallow! Do it! Do it!

Chet (gulps): My barf was actually less spicy than the stew.

Crimson, Spud, Emma, and Jay start to retch as the remaining teams approach.

Leonard: We have to eat our own barf?

Zoey: At this point I might eat anything. I'm getting so hungry.

The Vegans' camel barfs right on Miles, much to her chagrin

Laurie (gasps): Real organic camel munch!

Mike (looks at Zoey): I'll be taking this one. We don't need to be held back by another cramp. (Zoey nods)

Cut to the Police Cadets.

Sanders: Oh, it hurts so bad!

Jacques is heard giggling.

MacArthur: Huh? (she turns to see Jacques lifting and carrying Josee by her belly one-handed in the air as he runs, both of them smiling wide) Well, that's just creepy.

Jacques smirks as he looks back at MacArthur and waves, only to smack right into a tree, sending Josee into a nearby cactus.

MacArthur: Ha ha, later, skaters. You see what I did there?

Sanders: Yeah.

MacArthur: Cuz they're actually uh, skaters.

Sanders: Yeah, I-I got it.

Cut back to the restaurant as several teams finish the challenge.

Bridgette: Done!

Ryan: Done!

Other teams race off as Jen looks at Tom in worry. Cut back to the Police Cadets.

Sanders: Put. Me. Down!

MacArthur: No time.

She sees the Ice Dancers coming up right behind her. As they reach the Chill Zone, MacArthur makes a dramatic leap into the air to reach the carpet before the Ice Dancers.

Don: Hey, who called the cops? (laughs) What fun. You're team number two, well done.

MacArthur: All right, yeah! (she drops Sanders, who gets up holding her arm in pain while the Ice Dancers arrive)

Don: So, as a Canadian ice dancing team, you probably hear this a lot. Third place!

Josee gives a pained smile.

****(Team Interview: Jacques and Josee)** **

Jacques is flinching whilst Josee screams in fury and throws whatever she can get her hands on from off-screen.

**(Team Interview Over)**

Don starts counting off teams as they arrive.

Teen Designers: Fourth.

Superheroes: Fifth.

Tennis Rivals: Sixth.

Daters: Seventh.

Surfers: Eighth.

Geniuses: Ninth.

Reality TV Pros: Tenth.

Rockers: Eleventh.

Fashion Bloggers: Twelfth.

Sisters: Thirteenth.

Emma: Thirteenth? You have to start doing more!

Kitty: I would love to do more, please!

Emma: I'll tell you when you can do more, okay? I will tell you. Ugh.

Kitty sighs in resignation. Scene cuts back to the restaurant.

Junior: Get up, you gotta eat the stew!

Dwayne (panting): I-I'm coming, in a minute!

Taylor: My mom's done! (Runs off)

Kelly (panting): Not so fast!

Lorenzo: We're done!

Chet: Oh, I don't feel so good.

Lorenzo: That's cuz you ate puke, puke-eater! (he runs off)

Chet: You're a puke-eater watcher! (he walks off after Lorenzo)

Mike: Done! (he and Zoey run off)

Junior: I didn't sign up for this show and I don't really wanna be here. But now that I am, I sure don't wanna be the first team kicked out. (walks over to Dwayne) Come on, dad. Like you always tell me, never say quit!

Dwayne: Actually pal, it's... "You should never say never."

Junior: I don't really listen to you. Just get up and eat!

The Adversity Twins reach the Chill Zone.

Don: Fourteenth.

Mickey and Jay: Woohoo!

Don counts off more teams

Mom and Daughter: Fifteenth.

Goths: Sixteenth.

Stepbrothers: Seventeenth.

Newlyweds: Eighteenth.

Don: That leaves the Vegans, LARPers, and Father and Son. One of these teams will be heading home.

Dwayne: I hope we got the right spices.

As the cook hands over the bowl a fly buzzes onto it, only to get incinerated, shocking the Father and Son. They run over to where Leonard and Miles are eating their stews.

Junior: Dad, we're in last place. You gotta hurry and down this stew.

Dwayne looks at the still-boiling stew in concern.

Tammy: Level completed!

Leonard: Onward to victory! (they run past while launching more confetti)

****(Team Interview: Dwayne and Junior)** **

Dwayne: So what's a little spice? Yeah! Let's do this thang! (chuckles) "Thang". I sound like a kid when I talk like that.

Junior: You really don't.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Dwayne (eyes narrowed in determination): Rah! (he starts downing the stew all at once)

Junior (impressed): Wow...

Miles: We're done! (she and Laurie start running for the Chill Zone, making Junior concerned)

Dwayne (finishing the stew): Ah...

Junior: Done!

Dwayne's eyes suddenly go wonky.

Dwayne: Oh no, I can't see! (he throws the bowl into the air) Temporary blindness!

Junior (grabbing his father's hand): Come on!

The LARPers are running when they hear the other teams.

Miles: Yes! We're catching up!

****(Team Interview: Miles and Laurie)** **

Laurie: It's so early in the race. It'd be a shame to be sent home now.

Miles: But I gave Banafrid the Camel my email address, so I hope to keep in touch.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

****(Team Interview: Leonard and Tammy)** **

Tammy: They were catching up so fast.

Leonard: We were left with no choice. To maintain our lead, we would need to use... Magic.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The LARPers smirk at each other as Tammy pulls out an ocarina.

Tammy (echoing): Song of Slumber! (plays ocarina)

Leonard: Chaos Barrier! (he pulls out a wooden staff as lightning strikes, but both the Vegans and Father and Son pass them without issue, causing the LARPers to shake their tools) There's something wrong with my stick.

Tammy: Hurry! (they drop the tools and run for it)

The three team near the Chill Zone as Don wait for them. Finally, Miles and Laurie reach it first.

Don: Congrats, Vegans. You're nineteenth.

****(Team Interview: Miles and Laurie)** **

Laurie: We stuck to our principles, and we're still in the race. I guess nice guys finish almost last.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don (spotting Dwayne and Junior): And here comes twentieth.

Dwayne: Are there any trees? Warn me if you see a tree.

Junior stops on the carpet while his dad keeps running.

Junior: We're almost there, dad!

Don: How long are you gonna let him run for?

Junior: I just needed a little break.

****(Team Interview: Dwayne and Junior)** **

Dwayne: Twentieth place? Ha, we have got to do better, pal. Hey, I know! We're gonna stay up all night and talk strategy.

Junior (sarcastically): Great.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The LARPers approach the Chill Zone.

Don: The Ridonculous Race is about skill. It's about determination. And if you're gonna use magic, make sure you actually _have_ magic. Like the Superheroes. You're done.

Tammy: Time reversal spell! (she throws more confetti)

Don: Security!

****(Outro: Leonard and Tammy)** **

Tammy: I think we could've done better.

Leonard: I got to do a lot of things I never wanted to try, so that's something.

Tammy: Uh, I'm glad we did this together. We can share these memories forever.

Leonard: I still don't get why we have to walk home.

Tammy: I think they only want us to walk to the airport.

Leonard: Oh, that makes much more sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to recap, here's the standings at the end of the first leg of the race:
> 
> 1st: Carrie & Devin, Best Friends  
> 2nd: Sanders & MacArthur, Police Cadets  
> 3rd: Jacques & Josee, Ice Dancers  
> 4th: Lila & Marinette, Teen Designers  
> 5th: Rena Rouge & Carapace, Superheroes  
> 6th: Pete & Gerry, Tennis Rivals  
> 7th: Stephanie & Ryan, Daters  
> 8th: Geoff & Bridgette, Surfers  
> 9th: Mary & Ellody, Geniuses  
> 10th: Noah & Owen, Reality TV Pros  
> 11th: Rock & Spud, Rockers  
> 12th: Tom & Jen, Fashion Bloggers  
> 13th: Emma & Kitty, Sisters  
> 14th: Jay & Mickey, Adversity Twins  
> 15th: Kelly & Taylor, Mom & Daughter  
> 16th: Crimson & Ennui, Goths  
> 17th: Chet & Lorenzo, Stepbrothers  
> 18th: Mike & Zoey, Newlyweds  
> 19th: Miles & Laurie, Vegans  
> 20th: Dwayne & Junior, Father & Son  
> 21st: Leonard & Tammy, LARPers (Eliminated)
> 
> Can the Teen Designers keep up this strong start?
> 
> Will Carrie ever confess her feelings to Devin?
> 
> Where will the race take our teams in the next leg?
> 
> Find out next time on Total Drama: The Miraculous Race.


	3. French is an Eiffel Language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this does take place in Paris, keep an eye out for a special cameo appearance.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, after shopping for spices and cameling through the Moroccan desert, our teams built up a hearty appetite, and I lost mine. These people are disgusting. The winners of this leg were Carrie and Devin. In my book, everyone else was a loser. But we could only eliminate one team, and last week, it was the LARPers. I'm not sad. Those wannabe wizards FREAKED me out. But that was then, and this is... The Ridonculous Race!

****(Theme song plays)** **

Cut to Don on the Chill Zone.

Don: Yesterday's Chill Zone, is today's starting line. Teams depart in the order they arrived, starting with yesterday's winners, the intriguingly platonic best friends, Carrie and Devin!

f

Carrie presses the Don Box and grabs the travel tip which she hands to Devin, who smiles in delight.

Devin: Oh, wow! Looks like we're going to Paris!

Carrie (gasping): NO WAY!!! (pumps her fists in excitement)

Don: Paris, France. Home of the Mona Lisa, tiny coffees and other things that annoy me like you wouldn't believe. Once in Paris, teams must make their way to the Eiffel Tower and find their next tip.

Carrie and Devin run to their scooter, one of several set up for the teams, trap their helmets, turn the scooter on and leave.

Carrie (cheering): Woohoo, let's go! (looks at Devin lovingly as he drives)

****(Team Interview: Carrie and Devin)** **

Carrie: I'm so excited! Paris is THE most romantic place on Earth!

Devin: Totally! And after we win the million, I'm going back to Paris (Carrie nods excitedly)... with Shelly! (Carrie looks shocked)

Carrie (half-nervous, half-disappointed): Yeah... Shelly.

Devin: I miss you so much, baby! (makes a heart with his fingers)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

MacArthur (reading the Tip): There's nothing Eiffel about this Parisian landmark...

Sanders (excited): Eiffel Tower! Paris! Let's roll!

Cut to outside the street, the Best Friends pass a sign indicating the airport is close by

Devin: Almost there! Can you loosen your grip, homie? (he looks back as the Cadets start gaining, MacArthur wearing shades and making police siren noises and honking)

Carrie (gasping): It's the Cadets!

MacArthur: Move aside, emergency police business! (they Hi-five in celebration until they see Ice Dancers passing by them, both with their signature creepy smiles)

****(Team Interview: Jacques and Josee)** **

Josee: Being sports heroes, we never know when the camera's will be on us, so we have to smile (painfully) all the time!

Jacques (also in pain): All the time! Even in our sleep!

Josee: It's very PAINFUL! (they continue to smile at the camera in pain)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

****(Team Interview: Sanders and MacArthur)** **

MacArthur (angrily): What's with those Ice Dancers? Do they ever stop smiling? Do they sleep that way? Do they cry smiling?! (Sanders begins to snicker) I'M GONNA FIND OUT! (Starts to growl)

Sanders: She gets a little fixated.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Out on the road, the Teen Designers and Superheroes are racing neck-and-neck, Marinette is driving, and Lila notices it's the same for Rena Rogue.

Lila: You ever get the feeling that Rena wears the pants in that relationship?

Marinette: All the time. Alya keeps gushing about it in her blog, alongside holding out hope for Ladybug and Cat Noir to get together.

****(Team Interview: Lila and Marinette)** **

Marinette: A lot of the other teams were excited to be going to Paris, but having lived there my whole life I kinda got desensitized to the glitz.

Lila (nodding): Yeah, it doesn't help that it frequently gets attacked by supervillains. Thankfully that shouldn't be a problem while we're there.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut back to the airport sign, the Sisters cruise by it as well as Mother and Daughter and Adversity Twins, the twins scream as they crash through the airport sign and Mickey falls off.

Mickey (on the ground with the camera closed on his face): Wait!

The Goths get on their bike, Crimson opening a blood red umbrella as they cruise away, while Tom and Jen struggle to place a carpet on their scooter.

****(Team Interview: Tom and Jen)** **

Jen: If we knew the fashion capital of the UNIVERSE was our next stop, we might not have spent so much on a hand-woven Moroccan carpet.

Jen and Tom: PARIS! (the two leap into the air and squeal)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cuts to the airport, Jacques and Josee arrive, they scoot over to the line, Jacques holding Josee while on one knee.

Josee: Two for Paris! Do you offer free upgrades for Olympians? (Jacques raises his eyebrows twice, the clerk types on the computer)

Clerk: Ah, yes. (snickers) Free upgrade for all gold medal peoples. (Josee smiles angrily)

Josee (angrily through her teeth): Economy is fine. (her eye twitches)

More teams rush to the counter, Gerry and Pete stopping in place as they hear a horn.

Gerry: Huh?

Pan over to the door, it opens with a ding as Geoff and Bridgette run inside.

****(Team Interview: Geoff and Bridgette)** **

Bridgette: I had to be the one driving. Last time Geoff drove a moped he crashed into the gazebo at a wedding.

Geoff: The concussion I regret heavily, but at least me and Brody got the chance to enjoy some free cake.

Bridgette: Yeah, the new couple had already finished their vows and did the kiss, so there were no hard feeling and they got invited to the reception.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut to the Stepbrothers, where Chet is attempting to drive the moped but Lorenzo is covering Chet's eyes.

Chet (with Lorenzo's hands on his eyes): GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY FACE!

Lorenzo (with his hands on Chet's eyes): GET YOUR FACE OFF MY HANDS!

The two pass the Fashion Bloggers, Tom struggling to hold onto the carpet.

Jen: The carpet's slowing us down! Ditch it!

Tom (whining): But-

Jen (strictly): Tom, we're going to Paris.

Tom (hugging the carpet): Oh, you're free! (throws it away) Fly!

Nearby the Superheroes are trying to fix both theirs and the Adversity Twins' mopeds.

Jay: Sorry about crashing into you.

Rena Rouge: It's cool. Carapace is great with machines.

Dwayne: Whoa, carpet!

Carapace quickly gets up and spots the carpet heading for the Father and Son.

Carapace: Shell-Ter! (his force field stops the carpet as Junior stops his moped)

Junior: Whoa, thanks! That was rad!

Carapace (grinning): All in a day's work, mini-dude.

Laurie and Miles drive by, Miles is peddling the moped, the Newlyweds zooming past.

****(Team Interview: Laurie and Miles)** **

Miles: We walked our camel through the desert yesterday instead of riding him, so that he could stay hydrated.

Laurie: And today, we're PEDDLING our mopeds so we don't use it's fuel. (gasps) I wish there was a way we could give our moped to the camel! Right?

****(Team Interview Over)** **

****(Team Interview: Mike and Zoey)** **

Zoey (irate): YOU ARE IN MIDDLE OF A RACE! I'M SURE WHAT LITTLE DAMAGE YOU COULD DO RIDING A CAMEL OR ACTUALLY DRIVING A MOPED CAN BE FIXED BY SENDING THAT MILLION DOLLARS TO THE RIGHT ORGANIZATIONS! (breaths heavily)

Mike (rubbing Zoey's shoulders): I'm not sure if that's Commando Zoey or the mood swings talking, but you need to calm down a little.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut to the airport again, Tom and Jen (who have their tickets) look concerned as the Superheroes are seen helping a frazzled Dwayne.

Jen: Oh no, what happened to you?

Dwayne: Strangest thing. A carpet came flying at us! It could have killed us if not for Carapace!

Jen and Tom look shocked then giggle nervously, Dwayne and Junior share a worried look and slowly back away whilst Rena Rouge and Carapace raise a suspicious eyebrow.

Don: Ten teams wait anxiously at the airport to board flight two which doesn't take off for another hour and a half.

The Sisters, Adversity Twins, Rockers, Superheroes, Father and Son, Mother and Daughter, Fashion Bloggers, Goths, Stepbrothers, and Vegans are all seen anxiously waiting for the plane.

Don: So we covered it with sad face stickers which is hilarious. But flight one is already in the air, with the first ten teams on board!

Carrie and Devin are seen sharing some chips. Stephanie throws chips in Ryan's mouth. The Cadets are reading the flight guide. Owen is hugging Beary next to Noah. The Tennis Rivals are sleeping. The Surfers are struggling to open their chips. Marinette is drawing in her sketchpad while Lila orders a drink. The Geniuses are reading a dark blue book. Zoey is talking on a burner phone while Mike looks at her nervously. The Ice dancers are smiling in their sleep with sleeping masks on their faces. The plane lands in Paris during the night

Don: Flight number 1 has landed and the race for first place is on.

In the passageway, the attendant goes to open the plane door until Josee squashes her into the wall. Josee runs with Jacques, the Geniuses, Police Cadets and the other teams on his heels. they all rush out the door to get a taxi, Owen looking a bit sluggish as the teams get to their taxis.

Carrie (to the driver): Eiffel Tower, please!

Lila (to her driver): To the Eiffel Tower, and step on it!

When Owen gets in his taxi, the entire thing leads to one side.

Geoff (to his driver): Eiffel Tower, bro!

Pete: Go, go, go, go!

Cut to the Eiffel Tower, as teams pull up to collect their tips.

Josee: GOLD MEDAL! WOO--AGH! (she screams as a car crashes into them from behind, both cars are wrecked)

MacArthur (getting out of her taxi, happily): NAILED IT! (she gets the tip from the Don Box) Huh. It's a Botch or Watch.

Cut to Don standing next to a man who resembles Van Gogh. A table with paper pads are piled on it are next to him too.

Don: In this Botch or Watch, whoever didn't eat the stew in Morocco must draw a caricature of their partner. When this local French artist approves of the drawing teams will receive their next tip.

More cabs pull up, the Best Friends, Daters, Reality TV Pros, Surfers, Teen Designers and Geniuses pour out and collect their pads.

****(Team Interview: Lila and Marinette)** **

Lila: In hindsight I'm glad I chose to eat the stew back in Morocco. Marinette's drawing skills are top notch. (Marinette beams happily)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Devin gives Carrie a thumbs up and she smiles before beginning to draw. Jacques smiles and draws Josee who poses standing on one foot with her right arm raised. Mary just stands there for Ellody to draw and Owen also just stands there while hugging Beary. Ryan flexes for Stephanie and shakes his breastplate which causes Stephanie to gaze longingly at him. Bridgette poses flirtatiously for Geoff and Sanders makes a finger gun, while Lila makes a model pose for Marinette. The scene cuts to the airport as the second plane arrives

Don: This just in, flight number two has landed. (the teams hurry out the door) As teams head for the Eiffel Tower, teams from flight number one strain to finish the challenge.

Zoey (as she's drawing her picture of Mike): Come to think about it, weren't the Tennis Rivals on our flight? (Mike looks around and realizes the Tennis Rivals are nowhere to be found)

Geoff: Donzers! (hands the drawing to the artist, a picture of Bridgette as a mermaid with cartoon curves, the sight causing her to laugh)

Bridgette: I look ridiculous and hot at the same time! (the artist gives a thumbs up, the Surfers hug and get their tip)

Geoff: Yeah!

Owen (to Noah): I think the way they support each other is beautiful, we should hug more often!

Noah (drawing): They're a couple. They have an excuse.

Owen (pleadingly): Please! What about a Hi...

Noah (annoyed): Face forward!

Geoff (reading the tip): Go down, down, down and find the cheese so round, where your next tip is found. Huh?

Pans to a rat running to the sewers.

Geoff: Follow that rat! (he and Bridgette chase it as the Police Cadets and Teen Designers run up with their drawings)

Pan down to the sewers, as Don turns on a flashlight

Don: Welcome to the catacombs, where ancient Parisians buried victims of the plague. Teams must use their noses to navigate this maze of tunnels and find the correct exit, and their next travel tip hidden amongst these wheels of rouge fourteen cheese.

Pan over to Jen and Tom's taxi, one of the wheels having gone flat.

Tom: A flat tire in luxury boutique heaven during a midnight madness event? (facepalms) Come on.

Jen (gasps): The universe wants us to go shopping, it's fate!

Tom: OR the ultimate test of our wills.

Jen: We ARE already behind, we can't just stop, drop, and shop.

****(Team Interview: Tom and Jen)** **

Jen: If we come in last, we're going home.

Tom: And, hello, the longer we stay on the race, the more we can promote our blog.

Tom and Jen: Now trending with Tom and Jen!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Tom: Of course, it IS gonna take a few minutes to change that tire. (they hop out of the cab, squealing, and charge to the nearest store.)

Cut back to the tower, the artist gives the thumbs up to Marinette's picture, which depicts Lila as a cartoonish Volpina getting her rear kicked by Ladybug, literally. Lila laughs at it.

****(Team Interview: Lila and Marinette)** **

Lila: Volpina was the Akumatized form I took. And unlike most people I remembered that time. At least the first one. By the time I got Akumatized again I learned to appreciate Ladybug a lot more.

Marinette (shrugging): Well, at least you can say your villain form was smoking hot.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The artist rejects the Best Friends' picture.

Devin: What do you mean "no"? She got an A in art last semester! (The artist shows him the picture, it has Devin laying down with a six-pack, with hearts and baby cupids drawn surrounding him, Carrie blushing at the camera) Oh I see, it's too realistic!

Cut to Kitty drawing Emma, who is reading a book about law.

Kitty: So? Are you dating anyone new at university?

Emma: Yeah. His name's international and comparative antitrust law curriculum.

Kitty: I'm thinking of getting a pixie cut.

****(Team Interview: Emma and Kitty)** **

Kitty: Emma's always been the serious one, but ever since her boyfriend, Jake, broke up with her two years ago, she's been SUPER- (Emma puts a hand over her mouth)

Emma: Fine! I've been super fine. And I don't need a boyfriend. I need a law degree, and I need my sister to focus on the game.

Kitty: And a boyfriend. (Emma just groans)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

More taxi's pull up and teams take their tips and paper pads and begin to draw. Mickey goes for the last pencil but hesitates.

Jay: Come on, Mickey! Show that pencil who's boss! (Mickey pulls his hand back in fear) It's two of us and just one of it!

****(Team Interview: Jay and Mickey)** **

Jay: It was a Tuesday morning. Mickey's pencil case broke. Pencils were everywhere. He slipped on them and fell down the stairs, landing on pencils the WHOLE. WAY. DOWN. He's been afraid of them ever since!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Rena Rouge walk over to the Adversity Twins.

Rena Rouge: Think you could write with it if it didn't look like a pencil?

Mickey: Yes! Please!

Rena Rouge (nods and plays her flute): Mirage! (she makes the pencil look like a candy cane)

Mickey (breaths a sigh of relief): Peppermint. The one candy I'm NOT allergic to.

Rena Rouge (pointing to back of the pencil, which still looks normal): Just make sure to ONLY hold the pencil from this part, or else the Mirage will dissipate.

Cut to Noah's picture of Owen. It's a horribly drawn version of Owen eating the Eiffel Tower, Noah and the artist laughing over it as the artist gives them a thumbs up. Owen nervously laughs as Noah grabs him and takes him to the catacombs.

Owen: Wait! I wanna see the picture! (Noah drags Owen, still laughing)

Cut to a road, where a goat blocks the path of the Tennis Rivals' cab, who are sleeping in the back until both are startled awake.

Gerry (waking up abruptly): Whoa! Are we there yet?!

Driver: You old men never told me where to go.

Pete: We're old-ER! But that doesn't mean we're old!

****(Team Interview: Pete and Gerry)** **

Gerry: We have the same amount of energy as the other teams... From about 5 AM to 4 PM.

Pete: Yeah, after that we get a little groggy. (Gerry laughs)

Gerry: Groggy? I haven't seen the moon since 2003! (they both laugh)

Pete: Oh yeah? Cause I got a moon for ya! (points to his butt) Right here! (they both laugh louder)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Gerry: Hey! To the Eiffel Tower! Andele! Andele! (the cab drives around the goat and heads for the Eiffel Tower)

Ryan and Stephanie are walking through the catacombs, looking nervous and holding hands.

Ryan: If you got the plague, I would throw myself on your foil-covered body and wait until I got infected too, so we could die at the exact same time in the same way.

Stephanie: That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. (they start making out)

Cuts back to the teams who are still drawing.

Emma: It needs at least four exaggerations to be a caricature.

Kitty: I have WAY more than that.

Ennui (to Crimson): Do you want to look alive in this?

Pan over to Taylor and Kelly, Kelly is modeling as Taylor draws.

Taylor (drawing): Thank GOSH I'm the one drawing.

****(Team Interview: Taylor and Kelly)** **

Taylor: I'm, like, a really good artist. For sure the best in my class and probably on the whole planet!

Kelly: I'm not bad. I actually went to art school two years before I quit to have Taylor.

Taylor (disgusted): OMG, Mom. It doesn't always have to be about YOU.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut to Jen and Tom running down the street. They are each carrying a handful of shopping bags.

****(Team Interview: Tom and Jen)** **

Jen: Getting that flat tire was the best thing that ever happened to us.

Tom: I've never shopped so fast in another language in my life!

Jen: SO worth it though! I mean, finding rock-studded leather leggings in North America? Heh! Good luck.

Tom: Truth!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Carrie, Junior, Jay, and Rena show their drawings which are a realistic portrait of Devin, a caricature of Dwayne talking, a bad drawing of Mickey, and a overly-muscular drawing of Carapace, respectively. The artist gives all of them a thumbs up

Carrie: Hurry, come on! (she jumps in the catacombs, Devin, Mickey, Jay, Dwayne, Junior, Carapace, and Rena Rouge following her, Rena popping a berry in her mouth)

Jay: Ugh, I hope I don't get the plague again. (Mickey nods in agreement)

Carapace (shocked): Again!? How did you catch it the first time!?

Mickey: Long story. Let's just say we're glad there's not a single medication or vaccine that we're allergic to.

More cabs pull up and Gerry, Pete, Laurie, Miles, Rock, and Spud hop out.

Pete (dragging Gerry): Come on!

****(Team Interview: Pete and Gerry)** **

Gerry: It's nice to be back on TV. All our sponsorship deals dried up a few years ago.

Pete: Try thirty! (they both laugh)

Gerry: The last time he did a commercial, the internet didn't exist! (laughs at his own jest)

Pete: And neither did the hair on your ears! (they keep laughing)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cuts to the catacombs as the Cadets and Teen Designers reach an area with two tunnels and MacArthur starts sniffing the air around her as Lila and Marinette hurry down one of the tunnels.

****(Team Interview: Lila and Marinette)** **

Lila: Ugh... The last time I was down in the catacombs I was hiding from Robostus.

Marinette: You were part of the problem regarding the teachers thinking Markov was just a toy.

Lila (sighs): Yeah, lesson learned. Never claim to know a robotics genius clever enough to have made a fully-humanized robot. I'm pretty sure they don't exist yet. I've wound up down those tunnels and getting rescued by Ladybug plenty of times. I think I even died once. Luckily Ladybug's Lucky Charm can even bring back the recently deceased.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut back to the Cadets.

Sanders: Okay, what are you doing?

MacArthur: I'm training my nose so I can work border crossing. People think they can bring oranges into any country they want! NOT on my watch, sister! (begins to sniff again, then points down a tunnel) This way! I'm going in! (she charges into the tunnel) WAAAAAAAAGH! (Sanders charges into help her from... A skeleton) GET IT OFF ME!

Don: As the Parisian catacombs extend a warm welcome to some of the teams others are still drawing the first challenge to a conclusion. Drawing? See what I did there?

The scene pans over Lorenzo drawing Chet, Spud drawing Rock, and Jen drawing Tom, with the Geniuses, Sisters, Goths, and Mother and Daughter still there. The Newlyweds show a drawing of Mike in his Manitoba Smith appearance, followed by Tom and Jen showing a goofy picture of Tom, with both getting an approval. Rock shows their caricature of Rock playing a guitar, the artist looking for a second before approving it. Emma and Kitty go next, their picture showing a grumpy Emma with devil horns and fangs with a storm cloud above her head. Emma glares and makes the same look on the picture. The artist looks impressed and approves the picture. Lorenzo's picture of Chet' head as a garbage bag and Ennui's picture of Crimson as a vampire queen are also approved. Taylor shows her picture with her mother resembling the bride of Frankenstein. The artist jumps back in fright but approves.

Kelly: Mind if I keep this to give it to my surgeon?

Back in the catacombs, Noah and Owen are running.

Owen: Here, cheesy cheese! (whistles like he is calling a dog)

Noah: Sorry, big guy, but I don't think cheese can respond to your semi-marvelous whistling. Besides, if we had any kind of a lead, we've lost it by now. (notices a skull) No, I've seen that skull before... Oh, man, we're going in circles!

Owen: So is my tummy. (burps) Oh, uh-oh. You see any restroom signs?

Noah (as Owen runs around looking for a bathroom): Owen hasn't, y'know, gone, since he ate that crazy stew in Morocco, so... We knew this moment would come, we just didn't know when. And may God have mercy on our souls if he shouldn't be able to find a bathroom.

Cut to Geoff and Bridgette running in the catacombs, stopping at a dead end.

Geoff: I feel like we're going in circles.

Bridgette: If only we could find the Teen Designers or Superheroes. They LIVE in Paris, so they'd probably know their way around.

Geoff: Well, if we keep searching around, we'll either find them, or run out of dead ends. (Bridgette gives an optimistic nod)

****(Team Interview: Geoff and Bridgette)** **

Geoff: I'm a "glass half-full" kinda guy.

Bridgette: And I try to look for the silver lining whenever I can.

Geoff: Yeah, we're both pretty laid back.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Gerry and Pete show their caricature of a grumpy baby version of Pete and are approved. Gerry laughs as he leaves. The Vegans show their caricature of Miles dressed as a sunflower with a bee landing on her and the sun shining above.

****(Team Interview: Pete and Gerry)** **

Pete: I've gotta plan! We follow the veggie-heads 'till they find the cheese, then ROCKET past them and win the whole thing!

Gerry: Veggie-heads! (they laugh)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cuts to the catacombs, where Mickey and Jay are running until two mean, yellow eyes light up in a dark hall, scaring the twins. They hug and shriek until the Goths walk out of the corridor.

Mickey: You scared us! (let's go of Jay) It's a little scary down here.

Ennui: Really? I've never been so happy. (looks at the camera, deadpan)

****(Team Interview: Crimson and Ennui)** **

Ennui: This place could be an amusement park, or a camp for kids.

Crimson: Especially since it's been so long there's no longer any hint of a plague. That would be the only deal-breaker. (Ennui nods in agreement)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cuts to MacArthur STILL sniffing around. She winds up running into Rena Rouge and Carapace.

MacArthur: Well if it isn't the vigilantes.

Rena Rouge: Well if it isn't the people who have no jurisdiction in Paris.

Sanders: She's got a point. What are you doing here?

Carapace (points to Rena Rouge): Following her nose. Sharp senses like a fox.

****(Team Interview: Sanders and MacArthur)** **

MacArthur: Y'know, for magical superheroes that actually makes sense.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

MacArthur and Rena Rouge start sniffing.

Rena Rogue: I know that smell... (sniffs some more) Roquefort.

MacArthur (also sniffing): Cave aged about...

Rena Rouge and MacArthur: Three years!

Sanders (cups her ear): Do you hear running water?

Carapace (turns his ear to a nearby tunnel): I think that's the Seine! We must be near the exit!

They all runs out of the exit leading to a dock with a river underneath. The Teen Designers are already there, tossing a large wheel of cheese into the river before hopping onto it with a pair of oars in hand.

MacArthur: YEAH! That's what I'm talking about! (hugs the cheese and grabs it) You're coming with me!

Jacques (suddenly behind them): Ahem! (camera pans to show both Jacques and Josee)

MacArthur: Heh, hoo! If it isn't the smiling silvertons!

Josee calmly walks over to a pile of cheese and kicks it away, revealing a post with the tip on it.

Josee: I HATE SILVER!

Rena Rouge (rolling her eyes as she reads the sign): Take your cheese and sail away to where Mona Lisa's on display!

Sanders: The Louvre!

Don: The Louvre, home to many paintings I was asked to stop touching.

Alix (standing nearby): We've already had a supervillain mimicking Cat Noir steal the Mona Lisa, so Dad's been stricter about security.

Don (shrugging): It's also the Chill Zone for this part of the race. Last team to reach the carpet of completion may be out of the running!

Back at the river, Jacques jumps on the cheese and raises his arms to catch Josee who leaps to him and holds his hands with her legs in the air. They drift down the river.

Don: But the race for first place is kicking into high gear.

Josee (teasingly to the Cadets): Bye! You stink worse than this cheese float!

MacArthur: Too bad you forgot your oars! (the Superheroes roll on the ground laughing)

Jacques (Josee glares at him): DARN IT!

Josee (angrily while smiling): JAQUES! You were supposed to get the ores!

MacArthur (she and Sanders are paddling by): What's French for booyah!?

Carapace (he and Rena Rouge paddling right behind them): We just say booyah! It's universal dudes!

The Ice Dancers then notice the Newlyweds also paddling by.

Josee: How'd you catch up so fast?

Mike (winks): A little Australian exploration savvy! (Zoey giggles)

****(Team Interview: Jacques and Josee)** **

Josee: I feel as though we're missing context.

Jacques: I feel as though we're not even making bronze, much less winning this leg.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cuts back to the caves, Miles, Laurie, Gerry, and Pete are walking, covering their noses.

Gerry: If this is what French cheese smells like, I'm officially lactose intolerant. (he and Pete laugh)

Pete: I'm officially you intolerant. (they holler in laughter when the four stop next to a door, which is the source of the stink)

Miles (pointing to the doors): It's coming from there.

She and Laurie pull them open and A gas cloud comes out of the door, Owen (reading a newspaper as he poops in the toilet) screams in surprise, and the Vegans and Tennis Rivals run off.

Owen (giggling): Man, that Moroccan stew can really RIP through a guy! (pulls the chain to flush the toilet) Woof!

Up above, the mime is still reenacting different actions, the sewer top gets blown off, the mime faints at the smell of the fart.

****(Team Interview: Noah and Owen)** **

Noah: And that was only a 6.2 on the Owen Stinkscale.

Owen: There's a scale?

Noah: It was hard, but after enough parties and food fights, I've managed to classify all types of farts from you. Sushi farts are a one, onion soup is a five, and spicy burrito farts go all the way to twelve, the true el pedo de la muerte. Those things could peel the varnish off a locker. Trust me, you don't wanna know how I figured that one out. (shivers)

Owen (proudly): It's true.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cuts back to the catacombs, the Fashion Bloggers are walking nervously.

Tom (stopping in place): Ew, it is, like, SO creepy down here. I feel like I'm being watched.

Jen (on a pile of skulls, she plays with a skeleton like it's a string puppet): Hey Tom, I have a bone to pick with you! (they both laughed at her joke)

A thump is heard, causing Jen to gasp and jump down from her pile

Jen: T-T-Tom... (he looks nervously behind him)

A monstrous shadow lurks toward them in a doorway, the scream and run for their lives, Tom drops a bag, runs back (still screaming) grabs it and runs away again. The "monster" turns out to be a rat, and it laughs at their expense. Back outside, Devin is on his cheese wheel, Carrie looks down nervously but jumps, Devin catches her in his arms.

Devin: Milady.

Cat Noir (appearing from nowhere): You two make a cute couple. (Carrie blushes)

Devin (a little flustered as he sets Carrie): Oh, no. I already have a girl back home.

Cat Noir (shrugs): I you say so. (he leaps toward the rooftops)

****(Team Interview: Carrie and Devin)** **

Devin: Does he know something I don't?

Carrie (blushing nervously): Uh... Maybe...

****(Team Interview Over)** **

****(Team Interview: Rena Rouge and Carapace)** **

Rena Rouge: I had no idea Cat Noir was still in Paris.

Carapace: Makes me wonder where Queen Bee and Ladybug are.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

More teams toss their cheese wheels, and it's a race between the Best Friends, Mom and Daughter, Daters, Goths (who aren't paddling), and the Adversity Twins. Pan ahead to the Police Cadets paddling across the river.

MacArthur (looks back): No way! (pan back to the Ice Dancers kicking their float)

****(Team Interview: Jacques and Josee)** **

Jacques: Missing paddles? HA! That won't stop us!

Josee: We've competed in FAR more dire situations. Jacques once got rabies from a squirrel, but that didn't stop us!

Jacques: I skated dressed as a Saint Bernard so that all the foam coming out of my mouth made sense.

Josee: Adapting! It's what champions do!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The Ice dancers kick their way past the Cadets.

MacArthur (paddling): These two get creepier by the minute!

The Sisters, Father and Son, and Surfers are also seen paddling.

Don: Most of the teams have reached the water, but for the teams in the catacombs, the big challenge is to not come in last. (pans on the Vegans and Tennis Rivals walking)

****(Team Interview: Pete and Gerry)** **

Pete: We've made a terrible mistake.

Gerry: I thought Vegans would be able to sniff out dairy in a second!

Pete: Go home now, and we'll be lucky to land a deal for tube socks! But I hate tube socks! You never know where to put your heel!

Gerry: Well, there goes the tube socks sponsorship. (they laugh at the bad joke)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cuts back to the dock, Noah and Owen emerge from the caves at last.

Noah: There's the tip! Nice sniffing, big guy! (reads the sign) We're still in this! Hmm, okay, I'll grab the oars, you take the wheel and-- NOOOOOO! (Owen is munching on a wheel already)

Owen (with his mouth full of cheese): What, cheese is good for you!

Meanwhile, the Superheroes and Teen Designers are racing for the Carpet of Completion while rolling their cheese wheels, the Newlyweds right behind them. As Dona looks on, Alix smiles as Lila and Marinette reach the Chill Zone first.

Don: Teen Designers, you're officially in first place!

Alix: Way to go, you two!

Marinette (smiling): Thanks Alix.

Rena Rouge and Carapace soon join them, followed by Mike and Zoey.

Don: Superheroes, you've got second. Newlyweds, you're in third.

****(Team Interview: Mike and Zoey)** **

Mike: That was one hell of a jump in position.

Zoey: As soon as we hit the catacombs, I had a feeling we'd catch up to the leaders.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut to Josee on Jacques's shoulders as she scopes out the landing dock.

Josee (pointing ahead): The Louvre! Over there!

Pan up to the Louvre, the Ice Dancers land on the dock and wave to the camera until the Cadets come with Sanders rolling their cheese.

MacArthur (shouting): Push it, Sanders! Feel the burn!

Jacques runs back and grabs the cheese wheel, they roll it up the steps, the four are neck and neck until the Cadets cross the Carpet of Completion.

Don: Well, well, Lady Cadets. You're in fourth place! Here's our favorite Silver Skaters!

Alix (confused): Do they give silver out for fifth place? (Don's eyes widen and he facepalms as he realizes his joke makes no sense out of context)

MacArthur (taunting and dancing): What? You don't hear victory music? Probably cause you didn't win!

Josee: Technically neither did you.

MacArthur: Yeah, but unlike you, I only care about not getting last. (Josee's eye twitches)

Pans to Mother & Daughter paddling with the Best Friends and Reality TV Pros on their trail. Owen is sitting on a small cheese raft forcing Noah to stand on his back.

Noah: Dude, knock it off, you're eating our raft!

Owen: Sorry! I'll stop. (pulls off another piece) Last one! (pulls off another piece) Okay, last one for reals! (Noah facepalms as Owen gets even more)

Ryan: Time to put this cheese into overdrive! (throws the paddle into the air, but misses it on the way down and it sails out to the open ocean) Oops. Babe, pass me an oar. I'll double time it! (Stephanie tosses the ore, but Ryan misses AGAIN and it sails out to the open ocean too as Stephanie glares and Ryan groans in shame)

****(Team interview: Stephanie and Ryan)** **

Ryan: I'm sorry I let you down, babe.

Stephanie: It's all right, sugar-bums. Just don't let it happen EVER again. (Ryan cringes)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Noah paddles furiously, out of breath, while Owen (who is now the raft) shouts STROKE to give him support.

Noah: We've gotta talk about your daily cheese allowance!

Cut to Jen and Tom, Tom is on the raft balancing shopping bags. He catches one on his foot.

Jen: Whoa, don't let those get wet!

Tom: Don't worry, I'll keep things balanced! But I'm thinking you're gonna have to swim.

Jen gets a hard stare.

Jen (confidently): I'll do it. For the clothing.

Tom gasps in surprise.

****(Team Interview: Tom and Jen)** **

Tom (as Jen pouts angrily): This is, like, a HUGE sacrifice. She only lets her beautician wash her hair.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Jen dives into the water and emerges gasping with a frog is on her head, wearing her sunglasses. she shrieks but begins to swim. Geoff and Bridgette cross the carpet next.

Don: Sixth place!

****(Team Interview: Geoff and Bridgette)** **

Geoff and Bridgette cheer and fist bump.

Geoff: Our race is improving!

Bridgette: Next stop, first place!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

More teams arrive and are placed.

Best Friends: Seventh.

Father and Son: Eighth.

Stepbrothers: Ninth.

Back at the dock, the Vegans and Tennis Rivals hop into the water with their floats, Gerry and Pete blow raspberries as they pass the Vegans and they row off.

****(Team Interview: Gerry and Pete)** **

Pete: The thing is your age is all in your mind!

Gerry: Heh! And in your joints!

Pete: AND it has a little bit to do with the year you were born! (they bust out laughing)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: And here comes some more teams!

Fashion Bloggers: Tenth.

Daters: Eleventh.

Geniuses: Twelfth.

Sisters: Thirteenth.

Don (sees the Reality TV Pros running up): And if it isn't Noah and his ark! (stops them in place, a timer reading 20:00 goes up on the screen followed by a buzzer) 20 minute penalty!

Owen and Noah gasp in shock.

Owen: WHAT?! Why?!

Don: Because the challenge was to sail the CHEESE down the river!

Owen: But it's inside me! I AM CHEESE!

Don (poking Owen's belly): That you are cooky! (pushes Owen) Now step aside and hope that you aren't last to place!

Noah: Did you really think this guy was gonna be like Chris?

Don and Alix: Oh don't get STARTED on him! (Don looks at Alix in surprise)

Don: You hate him too?

Alix: I stopped Total Drama once I saw the premise for Revenge of the Island.

Noah: Don't blame you for that one.

Cut to the Tennis Rivals and Vegans still paddling as the Rockers pass them.

Don: With one team waiting for their penalty to end, the last six teams are battling towards the Carpet of Completion! (Laurie and Miles row even harder)

****(Team interview: Miles and Laurie)** **

Laurie: The thought of coming in last made us realize we needed to step up our game!

Miles: Yeah, we were supercharged up!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The Vegans pass the Tennis Rivals, shocking the old men.

Gerry: How is that possible!? We're athletes! They eat bird seeds and dust!

****(Team interview: Miles and Laurie)** **

The two are seen munching on dark chocolate candy bars filled with peanuts.

Miles: People seem to forget that protein doesn't just come from meat.

Laurie (gulps down her mouthful): In fact, things like soy and peanuts actually have MORE protein than the average hamburger.

Miles (glaring at the camera): And while we do enjoy sunflower seeds, dust is just inedible GERRY.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

More teams reach the Chill Zone

Mom and Daughter: Fourteenth.

Adversity Twins: Fifteenth.

Goths: Sixteenth.

Owen is sweating like crazy. The timer is at 5:18 as Noah paces.

Don: Looks like someone's got the cheese sweats! (Noah slips in a pile of sweat as the Rockers and Vegans run up to the Carpet, the Vegans arriving first) Seventeenth. (The Rockers run up) Eighteenth.

Owen: Oh, no! Here come the Tennis Rivals! (points off screen)

****(Team Interview: Noah and Owen)** **

Owen: I'm gonna feel so bad if my love of cheese causes us to be eliminated! And what's worse, I CAN REALLY GO FOR SOME CHEESE RIGHT NOW! (starts crying) I have no self control! I'm like a dog!

Noah (slaps Owen with a newspaper): Bad partner, bad, bad. (pokes Owen with the newspaper)

Owen whimpers like a dog.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The Tennis Rivals are struggling to carry the cheese up the steps, they let go of it, it crushes Gerry as it rolls down to the bottom.

Alix: Why aren't they rolling the cheese like everyone else did? (Don shrugs)

2:18 remains on the clock as Gerry and Pete carry the wheel up the stairs but are slowly carrying it to the carpet. A snail passes them.

****(Team Interview: Pete and Gerry)** **

Pete: It was looking pretty grim.

Gerry: I needed a nap!

Pete: You sleep eight hours a day!

Gerry: And at least ten a night! (they both laugh hysterically)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The clock reaches from 3... 2... 1... A buzzer rings just as the Tennis Rivals are a foot from the carpet. Noah and Owen are in a stance ready to run

Don: Reality TV Pros, your penalty is up! (the four dive for the carpet, they all land on top of each other groaning)

Gerry: It's a tie! We all stay!

Don: Not quite. (pointing to Gerry and Pete) I'm afraid you're going home.

Pete: What?! Why?!

Don (to Gerry): You wound up dropping your cheese and thus did not bring it to the Carpet as instructed, which would have incurred you a penalty. And since everyone else already passed the carpet, including the Reality TV Pros...

Gerry: Ah, nuts. Lost by technicality. Again!

Alix: Why didn't you roll your cheese?

Pete (confused): We were allowed to roll the cheese?

****(Outro: Pete and Gerry)** **

Pete: Well, heh! That was a disaster!

Gerry: At least we didn't go home first.

Pete: Yeah! Now we've gotta shot at nabbing some new sponsors!

Gerry: Anyone out there who needs a pitch-man for arthritis cream or those bathtubs with the doors so you don't have to step over? CALL MY AGENT! (they are on a cheese raft, sailing out into the open)

Pete: Who's your agent?

Gerry: It's been so long, I can't remember! (they laugh)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the current standings:
> 
> 1st: Lila & Marinette, Teen Designers  
> 2nd: Rena Rouge & Carapace, Superheroes  
> 3th: Mike & Zoey, Newlyweds  
> 4th: Sanders & MacArthur, Police Cadets  
> 5th: Jacques & Josee, Ice Dancers  
> 6th: Geoff & Bridgette, Surfers  
> 7th: Carrie & Devin, Best Friends  
> 8th: Dwayne & Junior, Father & Son  
> 9th: Chet & Lorenzo, Stepbrothers  
> 10th: Tom & Jen, Fashion Bloggers  
> 11th: Stephanie & Ryan, Daters  
> 12th: Mary & Ellody, Geniuses  
> 13th: Emma & Kitty, Sisters  
> 14th: Kelly & Taylor, Mom & Daughter  
> 15th: Jay & Mickey, Adversity Twins  
> 16th: Crimson & Ennui, Goths  
> 17th: Miles & Laurie, Vegans  
> 18th: Rock & Spud, Rockers  
> 19th: Noah & Owen, Reality TV Pros  
> 20th: Pete & Gerry, Tennis Rivals (Eliminated)  
> 21st: Leonard & Tammy, LARPers (Eliminated)
> 
> Can the Teen Designers maintain their lead?
> 
> Will Devin catch on to what Cat Noir was implying?
> 
> And who will be the next to go home?
> 
> Find out next time on Total Drama: The Miraculous Race.


	4. Mediterranean Homesick Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still in France, just the south of France. And we're laying some groundwork for major changes.

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, teams traveled to Paris, where their wills were tested, their artistic limits were pushed and their bravery was challenged, and Owen ate more cheese than scientifically possible. In the end, the Teen Designers made good use of home field advantage to take first place, but for Tennis Rivals Gerry and Pete, it was game, set, somebody light a match cause MAN! Woo, did they stink! Who'll stink it up today? Oh, they've ALL got potential! Stay tuned, cause it's time for... The Ridonculous Race!

****(Theme Song Plays)** **

Cut to outside the Louvre.

Don: Yesterday's Chill-Zone was the Louvre, which is today's starting point. Teams will start in the order they finished, which means the Teen Designers are up first. (spots the Superheroes instead). Uh, did you not hear me?

Rena Rouge: We did. We're just here waiting.

Carapace: Where are those two?

Suddenly Lila and Marinette run up.

Marinette: SORRY! (hits the Don Box) Nearly overslept.

****(Team Interview: Lila and Marinette)** **

Marinette: Luckily I have an effective alarm clock.

Lila looks a little confused. A perceptive viewer can see one of Marinette's pigtails subtly wiggling, despite seemingly no factors making it do so.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Marinette (reading the tip): Take the train to Calanque de Maubois and search the station for your next travel tip. (smiles and pumps her fist) Sweet! We're hitting the Mediterranean!

Lila (also smiling): Come on!

Don (a map displays the northern part of France with Paris indicated by the Eiffel Tower, a dotted line travels to the southern part of France): Teams must take the trains heading out to Colonctmogua. (the French flag is now the background, images are displayed) Calanque de Maubois skirts the Mediterranean south of France with sand so fine you WANT it to get in your shorts. The Red Cliffs are just one of the many sites that make this a popular tourist spot. (cut to the beach, Don is in a speedo) Did I mention that the beaches are awesome? Because they ARE. (a crab pulls on his speedo and releases it, making Don yelp in pain)

The Superheroes and Newlyweds collect their tip, followed by the Ice Dancers. The Cadets quickly interrupt them.

MacArthur: Hey, we were up next, Silver Streaks!

Sanders: Wait your turn!

****(Team Interview: Sanders and MacArthur)** **

MacArthur: I've got my eye on those Ice Dancers. Give 'em an inch and they'll take the whole race!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Sanders hits the button on the Don Box and collects the tip, as do the Surfers.

Geoff (to Bridgette): GO!

The Surfers run followed by the Ice dancers while the Best Friends and Father & Son come to collect their tips. Devin hits the button but a mime nabs it away.

Devin (gasping): Hey! (Begins to chase the fleeing mime) Give me that back!

Junior walks up to Carrie and the camera switches to his vision. A pink background is laid out behind Carrie, who looks at Junior lovingly, Junior just stares in attracted awe until he breaks out in a loving smile. Cat Noir suddenly leaps down and stops the mime.

Cat Noir: Excuse me, are you running this race? (the mime shakes his head) Then why did you take his tip? (the mime looks apologetic and hands the tip back)

Junior (to Carrie): H-hey, uh... (more manly) Hey. Uh, I'm Dwayne.

Carrie (raising a hand): Hi, I'm Carrie.

A pink background appears behind her hand, Junior stares lovingly AGAIN, he reaches out to shake it but is interrupted by Dwayne who shakes it instead.

Dwayne: Nice to meet'cha! Dwayne senior. I see you've already met Junior. (rubs his head which causes Junior to look embarrassed) This kid, ha ha! What a great little guy!

Junior (embarrassed): Dad!

Dwayne: I mean, he acts so tough sometimes but that happens during puberty!

Cat Noir (snickering): I think she's a little old for you, kid. Stick to your own age. (turns to Devin) Seriously, you might want to think about what I said, or you're gonna miss out and she's gonna get snatched up. (he leaps away)

Devin (looking confused): Okay... (turns to Carrie, dropping his earlier confusion) C'mon, homie! (runs off)

Carrie: Alrighty! Good luck to you! (runs off, while Dwayne waves as Junior groans and walks off, embarrassed)

****(Team Interview: Dwayne and Junior)** **

Junior: My dad ALWAYS finds a way to embarrass me.

Dwayne (snickering): C'mon, that's not true, son, eh? You're just being self-conscious! Oh! Before I forget... (pulls out a pair of clover underwear) I washed your lucky undies!

Junior (overly embarrassed): Aw, dad!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

****(Team Interview: Carrie and Devin)** **

Carrie: What was Cat Noir talking to you about?

Devin: Things that are starting to make me question my relationship with Shelley.

Carrie looks at the camera, eyes wide in hope.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut to the Police Cadets trying to get a taxi.

Sanders (as cars pass by): Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! (to MacArthur) There are so many cabs! Why won't they stop?

MacArthur: No prob. (shoves Sanders out of the way) I got this. (walks to the middle of the road and shows a police badge) HALT! (cars crashing can be heard, and soon a pile of cabs are piled up, with MacArthur slamming into one, frightening the driver) Police! We are commandeering this vehicle, maggot! (flashes a thumbs up to Sanders)

****(Team Interview: Sanders and MacArthur)** **

Sanders: I'm a little concerned. MacArthur can kinda be, um... Aggressive?

MacArthur: What? (gets up in Sanders face, who cringes) I dare you to say that again! (laughs) I'm kidding, lighten up! (angrily) Seriously, do it! Lighten up!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Jacques and Josee run to a subway entrance.

Jacques: The subway! It's the fastest way to the train station! (they run down the entrance followed by the Surfers and Newlyweds, the Superheroes leaping across the roofs)

Carapace: Not if you're a superhero! (looks at the camera) And they say turtles are slow. (waggles his eyebrows as Rena Rouge giggles)

****(Team Interview: Geoff and Bridgette)** **

Bridgette: Sometimes you don't need a clever plan. You just need to follow a team that can be better than you in some areas...

Geoff: And when you get the chance, pull ahead when you're in a situation where you're the better individual.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The Rockers collect their tip, Rock grabbing Spud to leave since he's just listening to his Walkman. The Sisters are already reading their tip as they head off.

Kitty: Alright, teammate of mine, let's have some fun!

Emma (collecting the tip): No. Let's not have fun, let's come in first for a change! (reads the tip as Mother & Daughter collect their tip) Train station, let's go!

Kitty: WOOOOHOOOO! FUN!

Emma (calling back): Stop it. (Kitty goes after her)

Cut to a mime walking down the street like it's really windy. MacArthur's car zooms by and the mime is blown back a bit.

MacArthur: I need directions, Sanders. (Sanders rummages through the glove compartment)

Sanders: There's no map in the glove box!

MacArthur: Time for bad cop! (stops the car, turns back to the driver in the backseat, he cringes as MacArthur shouts at him angrily) TRAIN STATION! DIRECTIONS! NOW!!! (they drive off again)

Cut to Dwayne and Junior running down the sidewalk.

Dwayne (tired): Heh, way to go, son! Heh, I wasn't sure you'd be able to keep up with yours truly! (Junior speeds up and leaves Dwayne in the dust, Dwayne stops and leans against a column) O-okay. Just... Hold up.

Cuts back to the Cadets.

Sanders (halfway out the window, scoping ahead): There it is! (points forward at the train station)

MacArthur: Saw this in a movie once! Hold on! (jerks the steering wheel to the right, the car spins past traffic and into a parking spot, MacArthur whooping all the way, she gets out and writes a ticket) This is for parking in a fire zone! (slaps the ticket onto the car windshield)

****(Team Interview: Sanders and MacArthur)** **

Sanders: Can you give a ticket outside your district? (MacArthur holds up a ticket) What? What's this? (Sanders reads it) Excessive complaining. That is not an actual offense!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut to the subway, where the Teen Designers, Ice Dancer, Surfers, and Newlyweds are on the subway. Zoey is doing breathing exercises.

****(Team Interview: Mike and Zoey)** **

Zoey (sighing): It's official. I'm pregnant. Luckily it's early enough that physical activity won't be a problem.

Mike (rubs the back of his head): Suddenly facing the fact that I'm gonna be a dad gives me an extra incentive to win. I mean, one million dollars would definitely go a long way towards raising a kid.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Zoey (to Lila): It's kind of a weird feeling, becoming a mom, y'know.

Lila: Pro-tip, try to get a job that will let you see your kid often. (sadly) I wish my mom could be the same.

Zoey: What does she do?

Lila: She works at the embassy here in Paris, but she's rarely ever home. I wound up becoming a compulsive liar just to fill the void with fawning friends. And getting more than a little defensive if someone ever called me out.

****(Team Interview: Lila and Marinette)** **

Lila: I've had nightmares where my actions caused people to die, getting me sent to prison! Thankfully the psychology visits helped me get over my problems... (smiles) And make up with my mom.

Marinette (smirking): And to think none of this would have happened if Mister Damocles didn't call the embassy when he couldn't get ahold of your mom after the Volpina incident.

Lila (chuckles nervously before frowning): Hello darkness my old friend...

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut back to the Don Box, the Reality TV Pros collect their tip and get a move on.

Don: While Owen and Noah are the last to take off from the starting line, the first seven teams are about to leave the station.

The Ice Dancers, Surfers, Police Cadets, Best Friends, Teen Designers, and Newlyweds board the train. Junior is right behind them.

Junior (to Dwayne as the train whistles): C'mon, dad! (Dwayne catches up, barely, and he is seen panting and out of breath)

The train whistles and takes off as more cars race down the streets of Paris.

Don: More teams race to catch the next train south!

Cut to inside the Fashion Bloggers cab, they are fixing their hair and makeup.

Jen: The south of French is where the most glamorous people hang out! It's like Paris, with glossier lipsticks.

Tom (suddenly gasping): OH NO! (begins rummaging through his bag) Please, please, please tell me I have it! (sighs in relief) Got it. (pulls up a can of spray, offers some to Jen) Spray tan?

Jen: You even have to ask? (Tom sprays a tan gas all over her, causing it to spread throughout the car, leaving a trail of spray as they pass more cabs)

Cut to inside the Geniuses cab.

Mary (giving directions to the driver): Take Lefran to Canal-

Ellody (giving directions too): Canal to Germain-

Mary: Germain to Belmont-

Ellody: Turn left on Legrant-

Mary: Reverse onto Bureau-

Ellody and Mary: And u-turn back to the Grand Sount Dunkirk!

****(Team Interview: Mary and Ellody)** **

Ellody: We weren't exactly "popular" in high school, but memorizing the street maps of every urban center is just as fun as going to parties!

Mary: Or dates, or being a cheerleader, or taking non-science electives, or-

Ellody (interrupting): Our choices are paying off! WE can out-think all the other teams.

Mary: Boom.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Cut to Lorenzo admiring a poster as the Superheroes run up. Chet catches up to Lorenzo, out of breath and sweating. Lorenzo blows a raspberry as him.

****(Team Interview: Chet and Lorenzo)** **

Lorenzo: I took the subway. (pats Chet on the belly) HE took a taxi!

Chet: Can you tell Lorenzo that the time he wasn't with me was the BEST part of the trip so far?!

Lorenzo: Oh, yeah?! Please tell Chet that before HE was in my life was the best part of my LIFE so far!

Chet shoves him off screen. Lorenzo retaliates and shoves him off screen. Chet tackles them both of screen punches and grunts can be heard as they wrestle.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

****(Team Interview: Rena Rouge and Carapace)** **

Carapace: How have these two lasted this long? I've never seen such siblings squabbles. Even from step-siblings!

Rena Rouge: I have. But only when the age difference was significant.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Back in one of the cabs, Kitty holds her phone up to the driver.

Kitty: Hey, could you take a picture of me and my sister?

Emma: This is a RACE, Kit, not a vacay! (Kitty pulls her into a hug anyway)

Kitty: Just one picture of me and my big sister in France! (makes a peace sign and takes a selfie, which Emma does not enjoy) PARIS! (Emma groans)

Back at the station, Lorenzo just places his hand on Chet while admiring the poster. Chet attempts to punch him a bunch of times while the Daters make out and the Goths wait beside the Geniuses.

Mary (to Jen and Tom, whose skin is in an orange shade): Your skin pigmentation looks like it's received too much dihydroxyacetone. (she and Ellody snort and laugh at the joke)

Jen and Tom look confused.

Rena Rouge (snorting): Hey, I'm the Creole one here, don't go stealing my look. (Carapace rolls on the ground in laughter)

****(Team Interview: Mary and Ellody)** **

Ellody: I didn't think that was funny.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: As train two waits at the train station, group one has just arrived at the beach!

Dwayne: There's the Don Box! (the teams take off and each of them collect their tip, with Dwayne reading it to Junior) It's a Botch or Watch! Who's turn is it?

Junior: Yours! What's the challenge?

Bridgette (reading his tip): Who wants to swim with... (gasps in fear) SHARKS?!

Cut back to Don, he is in a rowboat in the ocean, sharks circle the boat.

Don: In this Botch or Watch challenge, whoever didn't draw the caricature in Paris must swim to this part of the Mediterranean and retrieve a travel tip from the dorsal fin of a great white--AGH! (shrieks in fear as a shark jumps up to try and bite him, it misses and slips back into the water) Uh... (feigning confidence) Try that again and you'll get a taste of this! Huh? Wanna dance with the Widowmaker?! (shrieks as the shark pops up again and tries to bite him again)

Cut to Sanders and MacArthur reading their tip.

Sanders: Note, eaten teammates will result in disqualification? (more nervously) Wow, they really thought of everything. (teams line up at the beach)

Devin: Be right back, homie! (nervously) I hope. (he wades into the ocean)

Bridgette gulps as she starts out for the water

****(Team interview: Geoff and Bridgette)** **

Bridgette: Sharks are a surfer's worst nightmare. And it's a great white! They're statistically responsible for the most shark bites out of all the various shark species.

Geoff: Carapace can't get here quick enough, dude. I'll feel safer for Bridgette once he and his indestructible energy barrier gets out in the water.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

MacArthur looks out to the water nervously.

MacArthur: Swim with sharks? Man, did I dodge a bullet or what? HA!

Sanders (also nervous): Still here...

MacArthur: Sorry. Just glad I'm not you. (Sanders looks even more nervous) What's the hold up?! GET BOUNCING! (shoves Sanders into the water) That'll put fire in her belly.

Out at sea, two sharks are circling around viciously. Devin, Josee, and Lila swim towards them. Josee leaps out of the water like a flying fish. She lands back in gracefully and surpasses the two. Dwayne is doggy paddling behind, with Geoff and Junior watch nervously as sharks approach them.

****(Team Interview: Dwayne and Junior)** **

Dwayne: Turns out swimming in shark infested water is WAY harder on the old body than sitting at a desk all day! (laughs) Who knew?

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Josee swims confidently. She leaps in a beautiful back flip, snatching a tip off a shark, and swims off. Lila and Mike soon have their own tips.

Devin (in awe): Wow! Nice move!

A shark swims by him. He goes to collect the tip and catches up to the shark, until Bridgette leaps in the shark's back. The shark keeps coming in and out of the water, attempting to buck Bridgette off. Devin cringes at this.

****(Team Interview: Carrie and Devin)** **

Devin: You'd think a surfer would have more experience swimming with sharks.

Carrie: You're probably thinking of dolphins.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Don: As the teams from train number one battle with the top of the aquatic food chain, train number two has arrived!

The train arrives as the Geniuses, Superheroes, Stepbrothers, Goths, and Daters get off.

Mary (getting off the train, notices a missing team): Weren't there six teams on board?

Ellody (pointing toward the Don Box): There's the Don Box! Hurry!

Cut to Devin sneaking up on a shark underwater, ready to snag a tip. He gets it only for the shark to turn and growl at him. Devin shrieks, letting go of the tip, and swims off. The shark bites at where he was then chases him. The tip floats to the surface where Dwayne nabs it and puts it in his mouth. He swims back to shore.

****(Team Interview: Dwayne and Junior)** **

Junior: I'm actually kinda proud of my dad. It takes guts to swim TOWARDS a shark.

Dwayne (touched): Junior, this isn't your dads first shark rodeo, pal! (rubs Junior's chin) If anything, those sharks should've been scared of the Dwayne-Man. (punches in air, causing Junior to duck) Hyah! (keeps punching in random directions until he accidentally punches the camera, causing it cracks and fizz out until it comes back sideways blurry) Whoops! (nervously laughs) Sorry 'bout that. You ok?

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Chet walks out into the open.

Chet (scoffing): You draw caricatures, I swallow my own barf AND swim with SHARKS?! (scoffs) This is so unfair!

Lorenzo (laughing): Only if you're you!

The Daters are kissing while Carapace is seen doing leg stretches.

Stephanie (breaking the kiss but still holding Ryan's hands): Baby, if one of those sharks eats you I will eat that shark so that we will always be together! (the two kiss again)

****(Team Interview: Rena Rouge and Carapace)** **

Both look at each other in concern, then turn to the camera.

Rena Rouge and Carapace: Creepy!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

A ship horn is heard as a ship passes by, Jen and Tom on deck.

Tom (waving): Hi everyone, hope you didn't miss us!

****(Team Interview: Tom and Jen)** **

Jen: We stepped off the train in Kan...

Tom: Just to breathe it in!

Jen: And there, on the platform-

Tom: THE PRINCE OF MONACO!

Jen: He asked where we're headed!

Tom: One thing leads to another-

Jen: YACHT RIDE-

Tom: WITH THE PRINCE!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Back on the boat's starboard side, Jen and Tom are waving.

Jen: Thanks for the ride, Your Highness!

A shark leaps out of the water, Tom screeches and jumps into Jen's arms. Josee is swimming back to shore while Devin swims away from a shark.

Jacques (from shore, watching Josee): She is beauty, grace and strength, every move like a swan that makes every other swan feel ugly!

Josee leaps out of the water gracefully. Jacques yelps in pain as a swan bites his butt. He rubs it in pain as the swan honks, annoyed.

Pan over to Junior watching Dwayne swim back to the dry land, his head keeps bobbing underwater. Lila is swimming right next to him.

Dwayne (reading the tip): GO GET A BUCKET!

Lila: WE'RE MAKING SANDCASTLES FOR AN ALL-IN!

Cut to Don walking along the beach.

Don: For this All-In challenge, teams have to build a sand replica of the Palace of Versailles. When local sand castle prodigy Sandy McCastles... (regarding to a blond kid, Don whispers to the camera) Probably a fake name... (Sandy frowns) Decides their castles good enough, he'll hand over the next travel tip!

Cut to MacArthur waiting at the beach, Sanders flops down with the tip.

MacArthur: It's about time. My grandmother can dog paddle faster than you!

Chet and Tom are swimming away as sharks chase them. Ryan is seen wrestling with one. Devin surfaces with a tip.

Devin: WOOHOO! Bringing it back ALIVE! (he raises out of the water, a shark underneath him, angry, and Devin looks down nervously) Not quite.

Mary swims in between two sharks. They circle her and roar at her, but she's still unfazed. Suddenly the sharks cringe and swim away, leaving their tips. Mary grabs a tip and holds up a magnet.

****(Team Interview: Mary and Ellody)** **

Mary: No, sharks aren't afraid of me, but they ARE afraid of magnets!

Ellody (holding the magnet): Technically it's not fear.

Mary: Of course not. I was being facetious. Charged metals and salt water create a weak electrical field which disrupts sharks electro reception center-

Ellody: We should explain, salt water is an ionic solution. It contains particles of unpaired electrons.

Mary: I wish we had a dry-erase board.

Don: Speaking of dry, can we cut to something more exciting?

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Devin screams as he is being chased by a shark. Carapace surfaces between them, the other tip in one hand and his shield in the other.

Carapace: Shell-Ter! (the shark slams into the barrier, swimming off as it rubs its nose)

Don: Thank you!

Train three arrives and the camera pans on the feet of the Mother & Daughter, Sisters, Vegans, Adversity Twins, Rockers and Reality TV Pros as they run.

Don: The third train has arrived, and as more teams begin the second challenge... (pans on the beach where the Ice Dancers and Best Friends are building their castles while the Geniuses arrive there) The Surfers are STILL trying to finish the first one! (pans on Geoff)

Geoff (searching for Bridgette): I don't see her anywhere.

Bridgette screams as she swims for her life with a shark on her tail. Back on the beach, Rock enters the water as Spud listens to music, bobbing his head.

****(Team interview: Rock and Spud)** **

Rock: I guess I'll do pretty much ANYTHING to win. I need the money, for my parents. They're not getting any younger and they really want me out of their basement! If I win, I could build my own basement! (starts rocking out)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

A shark approaches some bubbles, it roars until Crimson pops up, deadpan. The shark hand her the tip and swims for its life. Crimson takes the tip and blinks. Cut to the Daters building, Lorenzo and Chet throwing sand at each other and Dwayne digging in a pile of sand while Junior watches, impressed.

****(Team Interview: Dwayne and Junior)** **

Junior: I was worried about dad before, but now he's really going for it!

Dwayne: Building is what men were born to do!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Sanders (building her castle): You sure this has to be big?

MacArthur (in Sander's face): You wanna take a chance on losing here?! We go big, or we go home!

Emma (running to the ocean): Did you hear that? Go big or go home!

Mary and Ellody have an enormous equation written in the sand laid out in front of them. Nearby, Lila and Marinette have drawn out their design much smaller on a notepad.

****(Team Interview: Mary and Ellody)** **

Ellody: We're scientists. We know how important the planning stage is!

Mary: Agreed. We're building a sand castle here! This isn't kid stuff!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

****(Team Interview: Lila and Marinette)** **

Lila: This is totally kid stuff. Our judge is literally a kid, so we have to think like a kid.

Marinette (nodding): As any good designer knows, create in regards to your demographic.

**(Team Interview Over)**

Sandy disapproves Dwayne's castle.

Dwayne: Not good enough?! Are you kidding me? It's the best castle ever! (Sandy walks over, Dwayne follows him) Hey! I was building sand castles while you were still making them in your pants pal! (Junior facepalms)

Owen raises his hand victoriously, a tip within it. He is being circled by three sharks.

Owen: Yes! (laughs nervously) Any chance you guys are dolphins? (giggles nervously)

****(Team Interview: Reality TV Pros)** **

Owen: I heard somewhere that sharks can smell fear! Or was it dogs that could smell fear?

Noah: I heard that a certain Chubby Buddy can smell any type of food from a mile away.

Owen: Really who? (sniffs) No. Is it? (sniffs) IT IS! SEAFOOD, COME TO PAPA! (runs off while Noah just grins)

Noah: The nearest seafood restaurant is a mile away. Who called it? (points to himself) This guy.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Back on the beach, Kelly is making the castle as Taylor watches, a crab walks off with the structure on its back. Spud is bobbing his head still, as it is the only part of his body not buried in sand. He looks up as Rock emerges with a tip. Jay hands Mickey a bucket full of sand and shovel, which drags Mickey onto the ground due to its weight. Emma chases a shark and nabs a tip.

****(Team Interview: Emma and Kitty)** **

Emma: I was scared but glad it was me in the water and not Kit. (Kitty smiles at this) If anything ever happened to her... 

Kitty: Aw...

Emma: They'd disqualify us immediately. (Kitty just stares, shocked, as Emma grins in victory)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Back at the beach, Emma is still building with Kitty.

MacArthur (off-screen): We've gotta make it bigger!

Emma (getting out of the water): Did you hear that? Big! (Kitty nods and they get to work)

Back in the water Miles is rubbing a shark compassionately.

Miles: If we win the money, I'm gonna start a charity dedicated to the preservation of these long-misunderstood ocean creatures.

She takes the tip and smiles at the shark, who only turns around and snarls. Miles screams and swims for it as the shark chases her.

****(Team Interview: Miles and Laurie)** **

Miles (she is battered and her clothes are ripped): I'm totally scratching sharks off my preservation list. (Laurie gasps in shock)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Back at sea Bridgette is being viciously chased by a shark.

****(Team Interview: Geoff and Bridgette)** **

Bridgette: I'm starting to think I shouldn't have had that tuna fish sandwich while on the train.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The Best Friends, Daters, and Ice Dancers are shown building their sand sculptures.

Don: All the teams have reunited and begun work on their sand chateaus, except for Bridgette and Geoff. (Geoff looks for Bridgette, but she is nowhere in the water)

Dwayne and Junior finish their castle.

Dwayne (looking for Sandy): All right, where is he? (Sandy walks over) Little judge?! Tiny, incriminated young man?! (looks down) Ah! Here we go! (Sandy inspects it and smiles, handing Dwayne the tip) Yes! (takes the tip and reads it) Okay, grab a speedboat and follow the GPS to the Chill-Zone on the southern tip of... (in disbelief) Iceland?

Don: Iceland. The southernmost dock of this frigid island is the finish line of this segment of the race. The last team to meet me on the Carpet of Completion could be heading home!

Back at the beach, Ellody and Mary have made a scientific plan for their castle. The other teams are building their castles. Dwayne and Junior make a mad dash for the boats.

Dwayne: Hurry!

Kitty: Aw, look at the cute little castle! (MacArthur, Emma, and Sanders look at Dwayne and Juniors castle)

MacArthur: Hold the sand phone, it doesn't have to be big?!

Lila (as she and Marinette are making a similarly sized castle): Duh. (MacArthur groans)

Emma (to Kitty): New plan. Doesn't have to be big.

Cut to the docks where speedboats are parked for the contestants, Dwayne and Junior hop onto one, Dwayne tries to start the boat but it doesn't work.

Junior: C'mon, let's grab a different boat!

Dwayne (walking over to the engine): Ah, you just gotta the, uh... (looks inside, the entire thing is busted) The choke, thingie mechanism. (Junior groans)

****(Team Interview: Dwayne and Junior)** **

Junior: My dad tried to attach a bell to my bike once, when he was done the wheels were gone. Just gone.

Dwayne (defensively): It was a Swedish bell! VERY tricky instructions. Had to take the whole darn bike apart! (rubs Junior's chin)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The duo get on another boat.

Dwayne: I cannot believe that the first two boats we picked are broken!

Junior: You have to turn the key, then push the start button! (does as he says, making the boat come to life)

Dwayne: Huh. Must be one of those Swedish boats. Here look, I'll drive--WHOA! (Junior drives off)

Back at the beach Bridgette finally reaches shore with the travel tip, spitting out some water. Geoff rushes to meet her as she collapses on the beach.

Bridgette: Finally... Got it... Need... Build... Sand castle...

Back at the building station, Sandy hands a tip Jen and Tom and they run off. Cut to the open ocean, where the Ice Dancers, Fashion Bloggers, and Newlyweds are advancing to the finish line. Back at the pier, Carrie and Devin are trying to start their boat. It sputters but eventually starts. The two cheer and take off, the Police Cadets and Victors right behind them. Lorenzo and Chet are fighting for the control of the boat at the dock.

Lorenzo: Move it!

Chet: Get off!

Lorenzo: No I'm driving!

Chet: MINE! (they collapse and Chet gets the wheel)

Lorenzo: FINE! We'll switch every twelve seconds! (they start driving off) One Mississippi, two Mississippi...

Chet: You're counting too fast!

Carrie and Devin's boat's engine explodes.

Devin: Oh no! We-we've got a problem! (the boat comes to an almost-complete stop) Any faster and this motor will die! Slow and steady wins the race, I guess?

Sanders (passing by them): You'd better have a permit to barbecue on that thing.

Dwayne and Junior reach the Chill Zone.

Don: Dwayne, Junior, you're the first to arrive.

Dwayne: Ha-ha, yes! We are the best.

Don: Unfortunately, you're actions with the boats constitutes unintentional sabotage. Those boats aren't Swedish, and they all came with instruction manuals, which you should have read and include advice on repairs. Twenty minute penalty.

Dwayne: Ah, nuts. (timer starts as Junior facepalms)

The Sisters, Teen Designers, Superheroes, Mother and Daughter, Vegans, and Adversity Twins race off. The Daters and Goths receive their tips.

Don: More teams head to the boats. But others get hung up on details.

Ellody (reading the ginormous equation they had written in the sand): 373,996 cubic yards, done! Now to build a perfect model with our data. (a wave washes over the sand, the data washed away) OUR DATA!

Mary: We'll have to wing it.

Ellody: I never wing! (grips Mary's shoulders) I DON'T KNOW HOW!

Jacques and Josee are at the Chill Zone, waving and kissing to the camera.

Don: Jacques, Josee, you've come in first! (They continue kissing) I expected insanity. Glad to see you're keeping it professional.

****(Team Interview: Jacques and Josee)** **

Josee kisses the her lucky rabbit's foot while Jacques runs around squealing.

Jacques (squealing and running around in happiness): We're the best! We did it! (runs around squealing) CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD! (kisses the camera)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

The Fashion Bloggers reach the carpet.

Don: Jen and Tom, you've arrived in second! (they squeal in delight) HOWEVER, you didn't arrive Calanque de Maubois by train as instructed. You traveled by yacht instead. Ten minute penalty! (a timer pops up)

****(Team Interview: Tom and Jen)** **

Tom: Whateves! We rode a yacht!

Jen: And partied with a PRINCE! On a yacht!

Tom: Don SO wishes he was us!

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Noah and Owen arrive next.

Don: Owen and Noah. You're in second place!

****(Team Interview: Noah and Owen)** **

Owen (pumping his fists down in excitement): YES! (Crushes Noah into a bear hug, who gasps for air and screams in pain)

****(Team Interview Over)** **

MacArthur and Sanders are next to arrive.

Don: 3rd! (The duo high five as Mike and Zoey run up next) 4th!

Back on the beach, Geoff and Bridgette are given their travel tip.

Bridgette: We have to hurry! We're dead last!

Pan out to see that no one else, visibly, is on the beach. They take off, and Ellody pops up from behind a castle.

Ellody: Did you hear something?

Mary: No. You need to focus!

Ellody: Of course. (gets back to work)

The Fashion Bloggers and Father and Son's penalty is up.

Don (to Dwayne and Junior): 5th! (to Jen and Tom): 6th!

Geoff and Bridgette hop into their boat. It sounds awful but they take off.

Geoff: NEVER! SAY! DIE!

Bridgette: WOOHOO!

More teams arrive at the Chill Zone.

Superheroes: 7th.

Daters: 8th.

Stepbrothers: 9th.

Goths: 10th.

Sisters: 11th

Two fat tourists walk up next, much to Don's confusion.

Don: Who are you? And who are you? Are you on this show? (they don't respond

More team arrive.

Teen Designers: 12th.

Mom and Daughter: 13th.

Vegans: 14th.

Adversity Twins: 15th.

Rockers: 16th.

Devin and Carrie aren't going any faster.

Devin: Looks like we might be headed home.

****(Team Interview: Carrie and Devin)** **

Devin: So unfair that it's because of a faulty motor, not something WE did wrong. (to Carrie) We're a great team!

Carrie: Yeah. We really are.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Geoff and Bridgette are crossing the ocean, when suddenly the motor sparks and the boat stops.

Geoff: Aw, man! Now what?

****(Team Interview: Geoff and Bridgette)** **

Bridgette: I can't believe I let those shark get to me! Now we're going to lose because of my second-biggest fear! (start sobbing)

Geoff (comforting): Hey, hey hey, babe! We win as a team! We LOSE as a team! We're a team, Bridge! And I'm not sure what I'm trying to say cuz... (disappointingly) I'm really disappointed right now.

****(Team Interview Over)** **

Bridgette watches the engine spark as Geoff sees her hair clip.

Geoff: Wait... Is that a metal hair clip?

Bridgette (raising an eyebrow): Yeah, why?

Geoff: Well doesn't metal conduct electricity, like, really easy?

Bridgette (cheering up): Geoff! (she kisses him) You're a genius! (she pulls out the hair clip and uses it to bridge the motor, bringing it to life and letting them race ahead)

Carrie (gasping): Homie! That's Iceland! (points forward)

The Surfers manage to get ahead of them. Devin risks punching it a little faster.

Geoff: There it is!

Devin: I can see the dock!

Geoff: So close, babe!

Don (at the Chill Zone, talking to the producers): The Chill Zone could really use a sofa is all I'm saying, so... Oh! (notices the approaching teams) Here they are! (the teams park and run to the Chill Zone, Best Friends making it first onto the Carpet of Completion with the Surfers) Carrie. Devin. 17th place. (the duo cheer and run off)

Geoff (confused): 17th? But that means we're 18th, and not last. But... The beach was empty when we got our travel tip and we only ran into the Best Friends on the way here.

Bridgette: Who could possibly still be racing behind us at this point?

Back at the beach, the Geniuses have STILL not finished their castle, despite the fact that the sun is now setting. Don comes in a helicopter.

Don (in a helicopter above): AHOY, Geniuses! I'm afraid the other teams have reached the Chill Zone! YOU are OUT of the race! I'm in a helicopter! This is so cool! (flies off)

****(Outro: Mary and Ellody)** **

Ellody: How ironic. Our strength in urban planning was ALSO our downfall!

Mary: That just proves how flawed this show is. Well, we played our part.

Ellody: I suppose geniuses aren't always as smart as they think. (they start laughing and snorting awkwardly)

Mary: You told a joke.

Ellody: I did.

Mary: Wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the current standing are:
> 
> 1st: Jacques & Josee, Ice Dancers  
> 2nd: Noah & Owen, Reality TV Pros  
> 3rd: Sanders & MacArthur, Police Cadets  
> 4th: Mike & Zoey, Newlyweds  
> 5th: Dwayne & Junior, Father & Son  
> 6th: Tom & Jen, Fashion Bloggers  
> 7th: Rena Rouge & Carapace, Superheroes  
> 8th: Stephanie & Ryan, Daters  
> 9th: Chet & Lorenzo, Stepbrothers  
> 10th: Crimson & Ennui, Goths  
> 11th: Emma & Kitty, Sisters  
> 12th: Lila & Marinette, Teen Designers  
> 13th: Kelly & Taylor, Mom & Daughter  
> 14th: Miles & Laurie, Vegans  
> 15th: Jay & Mickey, Adversity Twins  
> 16th: Rock & Spud, Rockers  
> 17th: Carrie & Devin, Best Friends  
> 18th: Geoff & Bridgette, Surfers  
> 19th: Mary & Ellody, Geniuses (eliminated)  
> 20th: Pete & Gerry, Tennis Rivals (eliminated)  
> 21st: Leonard & Tammy, LARPers (eliminated)
> 
> What new challenges await in Iceland?
> 
> Can the Surfers recover from their current position?
> 
> And will Devin manage to learn about Carrie's affections?
> 
> Find out next time on Total Drama: The Miraculous race.
> 
> And if anyone can tell me if I made a spelling error during the Geniuses' taxi ride, let me know.


End file.
